As if you have a choice;

this must have been one of the 24 hours with most ups and downs for me so far. it felt almost like i went on a parachute jump excitedly and my parachute just let down on me the moment i spotted this space i thought i could have landed on. gracefully.

today, 16th October, is the birthday of my very close friend. come to think of it, it's been 10 years since i first knew you when your hair was only ear-length. 10 years ago, i totally did not expect us to be getting this close to each other. now, i feel truly grateful for everything to be so fated for this friendship of ours to grow into something so important to me. i cannot imagine myself losing it. thank you for always being there by my side through the good times. those memories are irreplaceable. happy birthday. i'm glad this year's surprise turned out better than the one last time. just want to say, you added a lot of colours to my life. 

*

then, also on the 16th, i finally met this someone whom i've been longing to meet. it's pretty good. this person amazes me so much. it felt extraordinarily great to be under the sun again this morning with the friends i love. although it was really sunny and my skin almost got burned, swinging the tennis racket to hit the ball felt really good. and on the other side of the net, was this big ball of positive energy who was very encouraging in every way. i'm amazed. it makes me wonder how someone can actually be so close to perfect. 

*

and i actually felt high-spirited after that. until just now, not too long ago. what i've been told of really hit me quite badly. because it's all too sudden, too unexpected, too unbelievable, too much of the opposite from what i thought, way to hard to be accepted. it was a combination of all the worst feelings gushing through me, and i ended up feeling blank. it was too harsh to accept, i've not found a place for it to set in yet. i've been appreciating everything so so much already all the while, but still, i think it's hurting even more now that things might not be like how it used to be anymore. even until this second, i seriously still can't fully believe it's happening. 

what i've been thinking about previously, goodbye for now.

things happen, and we wouldn't know how or why or when it will happen to us, or anyone around us. certain things are just not meant to be planned for. 

where is the fairy that grant people with 3 wishes? you're in need now!

it'll get better, it'll get better, it'll get better, because it just has to get better. yes it will.