The most stressful jam ever!

first day of Company Law lecture and i was already freaking half an hour late for class. such a tormenting thing to be watching the time tick away when the car's moving only 10cm and then stopping for 10seconds before the next move.

competitiveness can be a good form of motivation, but sometimes it really freaks me out. 

what a freaky post!

L.O.S.T.

and so, according to Dr Joyce, to not feel lost in completing a research is just abnormal. definitely not a very comforting start to the new semester, but in a strange way it sounds challenging enough to be a fun subject.

recruitment drive's been quite a success on the first day itself, yay to more members! seriously, i never knew convincing people to join a club, no we're not a club, we're an organisation, a team, in Sunway we call it a movement, can be so tiring. but it's that sense of achievement you get when they finally say "so how do i register?" and when you hand them the name list and pen, it just feels really good:)

what's more awesome's when people who initially wanted to enquire about our neighbour, SAS, ended up joining us after pondering over what's good about Sife, whether it's worth his time, whether it's meaningful, and all sorts of consequences..

time seems to be more and more precious nowadays, with so many things in mind. sigh why is it so? i've already tried my best. now i shall learn to keep my hopes low, so even if it ends up in disappointment, it wouldn't hit so strongly. yeah, there's always a better way out to everything.

no more doing work last minute, no more taking things for granted, most importantly, no more saying and not doing, really really really.

Insightful.

"Which one word would you use to describe your entire trip?" "Insightful." Such a nice word isn't it? It is often through new experiences we stumble upon little facts we never thought we would ever discover. They may be real good ones, or the reverse, but in whatever form it comes to us, there will still be something for us to learn, to feel and then understand it. Sometimes the more we plan, the more the reality diverts from our plans. Sometimes when we expect nothing, the unexpected takes place. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. To say 'whatever lah' like what i tried to make myself think is just so stupid. This beautiful life we have, cherish every single bit of it. Some people are just so simple, so nice to watch. With every new semester comes new resolutions, good luck to all of us.

It's nice to have options even if you can't take them.

"Music please, and bring the women in."

I was honestly quite taken aback by that alone. And just as i was still pondering on the inside, whoa, so we've made it, not the zoo project, but it was one long journey, almost an hour of bus ride through all the Saturdays jam, and we are here at Sentul, in this cosy little hall, meeting the refugees.

Before my thoughts strayed further, they really brought on the music, as the women, and some men, and their family made their way through that door passed Dr Malar. Looking at ourselves in our oversized pyjamas-liked SunU Tshirsts, there was indeed a contrast between them and us, whoa number two, some of them were looking so fashionable!

Whoa number three took place shortly after, as Dr Malar greeted each of them by a firm handshake or an affectionate pat on the shoulder for some, while she addressed each of them by their names, without a single 'err' or 'umm'... I was standing right beside the door, and i can say their names are not any of the 'Ali' or 'Abu' sort of common ones. But i guess for someone who is so passionate and enthusiastic about what she's doing, remembering their names must have been nothing.

Speaking of how nicely they're all dressed  up and the music Dr Malar wanted, i started wondering maybe this was really something for them. A day for them to share their products with a bunch of people whom they knew would appreciate it. A day that might make a difference to their current state of life, even if it's just of minimal help. It just wasn't an ordinary day like what's for us, met up at Uni, filled in consent forms, bus ride, briefings, snapping pictures yada yada...

Education. Empowerment. Enthusiasm. made the three E's. And i really felt it when three of 'em amazing women who received the medal for achieving those E's went up and gave their speeches in front of everyone, in their own language though. I had no idea at all what they were saying, whether it was the Burmese language or Sri Lankan Tamil, clueless. So that guy in communication skills, something Mehrabian was it? was really right about the significance of nonverbal communication. When the translators went up and did their jobs, all they said were merely thank yous, big thank yous, and more thank yous to Dr Malar for granting them the loan plus a lil here and there. A thank you so genuinely truthful that i was touched even when i did not comprehend the language they spoke. Beautiful like that.

Many of them have got such great talents and plans they wish they could carry out, but as a refugee in our country, they've really got to sacrifice on a big part of that. Again all the violence and war, being one of the reasons that made some of them refugees, why lah people wanna bomb each other? Is there really nothing they could do to reach an agreement that leads to peace? Is it really so important to be the greatest of all? So enjoyable to hate and kill whoever you don't like? I may be real shallow when it comes to these cause i never really understood politics and stuff, but i mean why? Why can't there be another way other than war?

So this Sri Lankan family Hh, Yanz and i went to talk to was well, doing pretty good with their tailoring business already. And omgosh the daughter is so cute, seriously, when i asked her how old is she, she told me five. But based on her height, she obviously didn't look five to me, so when i asked primary five? She paused for a while and said, eleven. With a very sweet smile on her face. I think it's the genes from her parents la, cause her mom has a very nice smile, the son also has this smile that just makes me feel like smiling too when i look at them.

Holding the evaluation form in hands, his products were already whoa so good. We only thought of tackling the marketing aspects. And so we drifted away to a more casual chat, i guess then he became more comfortable with us too, and he told us how they poured boiling tar on his Grandpa T_T, how his parents didn't survive, and how they're now here in our country. Earlier i asked the eleven years old daughter if she likes M'sia, she said yes. With her smile again:) But imagine from a normal life where they could go to schools and run around with their friends, they're now completely deprived of proper education. And they're not even certain when they'll be able to return to their homeland. I really do admire their positiveness.


Yesterday was one meaningful day. Tiring, but meaningful.


Uugh..whatever laaah! :D
And i just wanna say, Ador is so kyuuuutz! Would you pretty please stop biting the cage!
And i love you mummy:)

Shall leave this untitled.

It's either i've been sleeping too late lately, or i've been thinking too much lately. Cannot sleep. I think i used to be a lot more carefree, like there's totally nothing to worry about. Well, maybe not all the time. There was this one time something really hit me. Thinking back about it, i'm still not exactly sure how it happened. Sometimes i do wonder how it's going to be like if it didn't happen. But whatever's over can't be undone. At that time i had someone who's more, i think, happy-go-lucky than i am. So everything was really happy with her. But even back then i had this slight feeling. I still wish to think i'm wrong though, because everyone has got their own ways and i'm perfectly fine with that. Something just reminds me of this feeling a lot. Anyways, a lil nervous + excited to check results this friday. Excited over this saturday's 'meet the women' session. Hope sunday goes well. While waiting for the photos to be developed, i visited mph again. I'm starting to like how it smells, yes it has a distinct smell, soothing one. And since business strategy would be one of the subjects next sem, i somehow brought myself to the shelf that reads 'strategic management' flipped through one of the books, the way it was written was pretty interesting. No doubt, there are times i doubt my own abilities. Honestly, when i was told about the tycoon and crack the case, as much as i feel like joining, there's this little voice behind, asking myself 'are you sure you can do it?'. Maybe it shouldn't be so much of that, i'm going to take it as an exposure, something that i would never know if i don't even give it a try. Whatever it is, i think i should be able to sleep now. And i just really wanna appreciate everything and everyone while i still can.

So what if you're left with no choice?

i don't know man. sometimes life seems so abstract, like you're in a crowded place just being pushed to wherever by everyone else so that you move forward, following their flow instead of your own.

there are times we feel lost and in despair, then there are also times we feel happy and contented because we've finally made our way through those sucky moments. 

now i kinda despise the fact that we're all growing up. 

simple things are becoming complicated, and well the complicated things ruining our days all the more; 

we think of the consequences for every little action we take, we think twice before we speak because we know words can't be taken back once it's said; 

people and things around us are getting more ambiguous, we can no longer see right through them, and when we start guessing, we might be wrong and that'll only be hurting our fragile hearts; 

more important decisions to be made and we're often so worried that we'll make a wrong one, because we only get to live once and we want it perfect. 

but as much as i dislike it, i do take time to ponder over how we've managed to come so far till this point, all striving hard to achieve our beautiful dreams. and i'll naturally get that very cosy feeling when i think about these stuff. 

what seemed so distant back then feels so much closer now. 

regardless of how abstract life can get, i reckon it is still so damn interesting because every single fraction in it is going to be created by ourselves. 

as we move on, we slowly add meaning to it, bit by bit...   

The Bright Side

so many things can happen, but whether you'll be able to see the results you wish to see really depends on how you treat it. i actually surprised myself. 

well, it's only the beginning of the second week of my 3-weeks long sem break and i'm already feeling that things are getting much better. i guess expressing it out really helped. a lot. honestly, i'm not even sure what kind of feeling that was, but it's like a mixture of super a lot of things that ended up making me feel all uneasy. so glad it's all gone with the winds now~ 

by the way, Black Swan is such a scary show, scary in few different ways, i can't believe my sister watched it when she's not even eighteen! uugh kids nowadays -_- haihz talking about my sister, i still remember how we were both laughing before we slept and i totally didn't see that coming zzz. never let that happen again please! but i like it how sisters being sisters, the next morning itself we were back to NORMAL as if nothing had happened the night before. was it just a dream? Lol. anyways, for some parts i'm sorry. 

just really want to love everyone whom i care for even more now. and really hope the Tsunami victims in Japan receive enough of whatever they need, be it substance or emotional support. when i think of myself in their situation there's absolutely no reason for me to be unhappy about anything at all. 

Behind every cloud there's a silver lining.

as cliched as that might sound, i am totally believing it after feeling how real it can be thrice in this month itself.

it's been too long since i last scribbled anything here. and i've just flooded myself with nostalgia after browsing through one of the notes in Fb where we're supposed to leave some comments about each other. this may look familiar if you don't get what i'm talking about...

"Leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember! Leave a comment here. Next, re-post this in your notes and see how many people leave a memory about you. Please answer all the questions (:"

back to the clouds and silver linings, i'm not going to say what made me so sad because each of those time when i was at the peak of feeling that uneasiness, what i wished to see appeared. though not entirely soothing that feeling, but it definitely maade things much, much better.

it suddenly feels quite good to be writing here, this shall be a wordy post. i don't know what's with me these few days, but my mind has been wandering quite a lot especially right before i sleep. i think of everything that has happened during the day. don't get me wrong, they're a mixture of stuff okay, not entirely sobbies.

some people are just so overly friendly, even before you really know them they could talk to you like you've known each other for longer than some of the other friends you've known. though of course it will never feel the same. talking to someone you know well enough, you wouldn't feel restricted or even think twice before you say a thing, because you know deep down that you can say anything and still, nothing will change.

some people are just really nice too, you feel extremely good talking to them but at the end of the day, you realise maybe they don't think the same. they don't actually mean everything they say because they're just saying it for the sake of saying.

some people are so cheery when you talk to them you feel all hyped up even on the way home you think about the conversation you just had with them before you could realise yourself smiling sillily to yourself. they're like positive energy booster, exactly. so i wonder where they get their energy charged?

some people are just special, and they attract you in their very own special way you can't name it. but yes, you can never get enough of them. even when things aren't all happyhappyjoyjoy with them, you know you cannot leave it as it is because it kills. absolutely no plausible explanations required.

some people may be thinking too much afterall, and that's me xD but nolah, i felt them and i can't be thaaat wrong.

okays, enough of crap. at times, i think i can really crap :(

*

a blog post has got to serve its purpose - to pen all the little things you wanna remember. so below are some of the thingies.

in January, Alina's birthday at Marche. surprise but not so surprised as always! hui ling & yi xuan appeared out of nowhere ROFL. but it was all good, cause it's Ali's birthday. she's this really sweet/nice/gentle girl most of the time. other times when we get triggered, it can be quite scary. heeeh i miss laughing until my stomach hurts.

At Laundry, where we shifted in and then out again xD yummy fruit juices liked cocktail. i don't know if it's that but i don't think so cause we only had such minimal amount, but the way home in Jeffrey's car with the big eyes snowman, was crazeeeeee.

January too, when Dorie came back. i wouldn't say i can crap when there's Samuel. nobody can beat him seriously -_- wonder how it would have turned out if Pn Pauline were to be there haha. btw, i just had a really good chat with Dorie couple of days ago :):)

When Alina the SUPER driver drove all the way to IMU for Huei-Wen with Hw's very detailed directions, not missing a single sign board or human bridge! (Y) but we still passed by IMU without knowing we went pass it cause there were too many trees around it. or maybe we were talking and not paying full attention. but it was so awesome to see Hw and Jarita there. and for once, saw all the people i've been stalking in Fb in PERSON, for real!

fulfilled our 100yen craving on the way back before heading to One U for Ch & Mw, and Qx! drank extra lots of green tea at Sushi Zanmai just cause we wanted more of Qx :P

shall keep the rest for the next post! :) SIFE's second members' meeting tomorrow yay :D