:D

it was so funny today when my younger sister and i were both taking a nap. she was still awake when i already fell asleep, so basically i didn't know what happened after that until i suddenly woke up again cause she was laughing at me. and the reason why she was laughing was because i was smiling in my dream. the moment i woke up i actually went from smiling in my dreams to laughing in reality. it's really a very strange feeling and it feels so weird now when i think back about it. she asked me, "what... you dreamed that you found treasure is it?" no, not that i was having the best dream ever or what. from what i remembered, i was sitting at a table, making fun of my elder sister or something like that. eeesh i wish i still remember what exactly we were talking about in my dream. so hilarious until can laugh like that.

after all, it's not always i actually smile in my dreams. :)

H.A. missing huei-wen!

after what seems soooo long, i finally saw Cali today!! cannot express how happy i felt i almost couldn't speak properly. probably cause i haven't seen her in 3 months and we don't chat on msn that often. she's this very important friend to me who's been helping me too much with everything since form one and everything just feels so right when she's around. :) but the high percentage of her leaving next year is definitely going to be something that will linger in my mind until everything's confirmed.

just to remind myself: i still owe Cali RM12! and i hope to return you the money soon so i'll get to see you again :D

my best tubby elmo + bee shield. © 

and although not as long as 3 months, it was still as awesome on the inside to see Jyy Yee again! :) heard a lot of interesting stories from the both of them... there are really many types of different people, and the combination of these various personalities is filling this little world with so much of dramas. 

seriously, anything can happen! 

talking about painting the school, rushing like choo choo train to copy komsas notes, krs and the gossips here and there was very syok. it's like reliving the old times you know xD

        

the one whom i can talk to until 2am :) ©

next time be sure we choose a day huei-wen can join too!! anyways, for now should motivate her to study like mad first! then only we play :)

somehow time seemed to pass extra fast today, without realising it's time we byebye again while i stayed cause mommy & chair were shopping at one u too. so i continued walking around with them... and i discovered that i can get quite crazy over items that are pink in colour :D 

oh, this is the Halloween themed decoration there.. quite nice with the red candles and roses around. and there were four people dressed up in freaky costumes to add on to the Halloween atmosphere, so my sister sampat sampat asked me to take pictures with them. 

heard one guy asking this "ghost", "eh, where to get this costume ar?" haha can communicate with them somemore xD

but they're all really good at putting on that scary face that gives you the creeps! like those in the indoor haunted house at Genting! super scary i can never forget! if it was me under the costume i think i would be laughing non stop already.


*

this morning my brother saw two dogs chasing the stray cats behind my house and the cats ended up with jelly legs after that. it sounded so funny to me he said when they walked the legs were like wobbly and shaky. but my younger sister was quite worried cause she hasn't seen one of her favourite cats since this morning's incident. hmm i believe the cat knows how to hide, don't worry!

No electricity... again!

i might have gotten a heart attack if what happened yesterday actually choose to happen on the day before yesterday instead. 

the Telekom people were fixing some electric stuff at my area so there was a total of five power failures in one or maybe two days! first one was yesterday afternoon when i was not home, then another time during dinner, twice at night and the last time this morning around 6am! 

it was around 9.30pm when i was using the computer i felt the light behind me becoming dimmer for a second, and that happened a couple of times before the electricity totally went off. i actually thought there was something wrong with the light.

but luckily it came back pretty soon. then who knows at around 11pm blackout again! and this time it lasted longer... so my poor younger sister just gave up studying her chemistry and went to bed first. maybe it's like a punishment for us who study last minute?? 

still remember last time when i was last minute studying add maths, the electricity just suddenly failed on me! went to sleep too but couldn't really sleep feeling so unprepared zzz. 

and yesterday my sister was only at chapter 6 around 11pm. there're still chapter 7 8 9 to go! but i think i was more nervous than her!! she went to sleep after setting the alarm to 4am. when i asked her if she was nervous, she asked if i could fan her... zha dou! 

anyways i now feel super the extremely absolutely the completely incredibly GRATEFUL that it didn't happen the day before yesterday! because if it did, my MA would be soooo dead. not that it's very good also though,  19 markssssss T_T shouldn't think about it anymore until the paper comes back. 

someone told me this when the lights were out "enjoy the darkness, enjoy the surrounding, relax and calm your mind.. your world will still be colourful without the light.."; and i saw two of my neighbours driving out; one of the maids told my dad "sana masih ada api..." xD

suddenly thought this pen might be very useful for me if there happens to be no electricity again when i'm studying last minute... 

instead of darkness, my sister drew me something very cute to accompany me when i was still studying until very late last last night. i love her so much :)

and she added a face to the egg on my test pad too! all the heart-shaped noses inspired by Happy Tree Friends xD 

©©

*

the other day she was so happy cause she found this old cartoon she used to watch - Jellabies. she used to purposely wake me up in the morning to watch this with her. used to watch so many nice cartoons together last time! :D this was not one of my favourites though. 

*

ohyaa and she showed me pictures from the Nikon's Small World Photomicrography Competition. some of them that i find pretty interesting... 

Echinaster brasiliensis (starfish) embryo, four cell stage (60x)

Trout alevin (larva) (10x)

Paramecium caudatum fed with Congo red-stained yeast, living specimen (600x)

Ichneumon wasp compound eye and antenna base (40x)

Snowflake (16x)

Snowcrystal (snowflake) (40x)

*

two more weeks to submission of Business Law assignment, about four more weeks to finals! 

management accounting!

aargh, since i've been writing here constantly for the past few days, i am very tempted to do the same today although the book is waiting for me...

feeling quite messed up :/

i hear my name in almost all the lectures, assuming this assuming that assuming assuming asiewming xD

SIGH.

i feel so crazy nowadays with all the mixed and confused feelings and thoughts and everything not quite pleasant that's happening around. let this stop okay? it's really hurting a lot of people. i kinda think i easily get influenced by the things and people around me, and whatever it is will just keep appearing in my mind... until it's all good and over with. but sigh, not everything can be as simple as how we wish it could be.

i really don't know what more to think or feel, just let things be as time goes by and give the right response when it's here. from the bottom of my heart, i really really really seriously hope that things will go back to normal as soon as it can be for all the friends whom i really care for. it might not be easy, but i just know that you can do it.

*

surprisingly, the meeting today was quite different from what i thought. expected to see more people to be in the core committee, and when i saw only four of us i just started wondering why i was picked. it's a natural reaction to think like that heh. 

but everyone's friendliness soon took over, and it was funny how the advisors wanted the four of us to pick the post we wanted among ourselves. after one round of explanation on each of the posts, we stared at each other and laughed. one guy even suggested to draw lots since everyone's being indecisive. then another of the advisor encouraged us to choose what we think we're more capable of doing, which was almost as hard. so it took a while before each of us were assigned with a post. somehow, i ended up in the marketing branch. :) and well, i'm actually quite excited over how everything's going to be like.

*MORE POSITIVE AURA PLEASE! 

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation,

You build up hope, but failure's all you've known, 

Remember all the sadness and frustration,

And let it go, let it go.

Productive Day!

so happen it's exam week for my sister and i've MA test on Thursday, today both of us decided to wake up at 7am to studyyy. not bad that we actually managed to drag our half-asleep half-awake bodies off the bed... then gave huei-wen a morning call, yeaah she needs to study too :)

and surprisingly this morning's weather was very nice, so i let Ador out to play early in the morning. he was so happy! thus, very hyper too! super cute i like :P 

so today's basically study study study, wait for elder sister to come back from Kuala Selangor, study study study, made a short video for su ann, checked elearn *hoping to see new announcements from Mr Aaron saying the test would only be until chapter 3!*, and ohya! got a call from the SIFE person just now, i passed the interview... wonder what we're going to talk about in tomorrow's meeting. but well, hopefully everything goes on fine. :)

Somewhere Out There

this is random but sometimes i wish i could have another younger brother! then i'll feel so loved by my elder sister & brother and at the same time i'll have two younger siblings to sayang. this sounds like some evil greedy thought, not like it'll come true anyways, it's just for the fun of imagining :P

partly because of this morning also, Alina's younger sister and her friend who are both only standard 5 reminded me of how we used to be in primary. so free of worries and stress, every word they say and their every action is so genuine, which is what makes things a lot simpler too. 

it was fun to see them giggle their way of with a fan they  made out of a piece of rough paper, a tennis ball they found that was left behind by the people earlier, a baseball game they created out of only one tennis racket and one tennis ball, a double decker of tennis balls stacked together between two rackets. gosh they're so cute! all the little things like that was enough to get them all excited and happy.

"You want some sunblock?"

"Nahh, i don't want to feel like a piece of plastic."

"Haha, no... it doesn't make you feel like plastic!"

*

talking about kids, this little girl totally melts people's heart! and she's only four years old, i watched it thrice! xD

*

did i mention, i like the feeling of waiting for my parents to come home a lot. especially when i know it's almost time they come back, i start to just walk around the house and do nothing.

*

it feels good to find out that someone actually trusts you enough to tell you stuff you don't expect to hear. and for that, i won't break my promise.

*

Puh-lease... AS-TEE-YOU-DEE-WHY !! 

Let's... rewind time.

i have no idea why but this month seems to be rather problematic. what's with all the sad things happening around, it's tormenting. eesh i'm guessing something really good is bound to happen? life can't be so unreasonably gloomy right?

anyways, i realised i haven't written  a post on my own birthday yet though the pictures have already been uploaded earlier and saved as draft. and i picked today cause it's 22nd, just 2 months late. also, i think this is something to cheer myself up a little. 

i love pictures cause they capture all the best moments. i like it too when i find myself smiling sillily to the pictures as though the people in them were responding by smiling back. 

i truly ©appreciate the surprise that afternoon huei-wen, trust me i was REALLY surprised. ©thank you to our cautious young driver for the day, tse wei too. i think we kinda surprised you too weng khong, got scared by lucky & gigi in return, so hyperactive! and ©thanks for the dinner you planned. ©thank you jyy yee for the card + video you made for me, it's very very nice. ©thank you all the people who came :) 

*i'm running out of words that have the same meaning as thank you very much i really appreciate it* 

never mind la, ©thank you still my highly-lovable college buddies for the morning. ©thank you to those who wished me too, whether it's through phone call, texts, facebook, msn or face to face. they made my day. 

most importantly, the biggest thank you to papa & mama for everything throughout these 19 years.©© when it comes to family, even the wrong-est thing can be made right. 

shall just leave the pictures without captions, i think they tell better stories than i do... 

happy moments like these are what keep me going :)

It's Just The Feeling.

my very first time encrypting post :)

Show encrypted text

When things get different, we adapt to it.

Maybe surrounded by,

A million people i,

Still feel all alone,

today's been much better as compared to yesterday. though it still lingers in my mind how things we've grown so used to can change so drastically over such a short time. saying i still can't believe what's happening right now, i am actually slowly able to accept what really is going on already. the fact is setting in. but whoah, nobody can predict or control what's going to happen along the way even though our lives belong to us completely. what is this man, when i start talking about it i feel the pain. maybe the right thing to do is instead of being sad, i should give you more support and like what you said,

i will try my best to help you, not only notes alright. :) 

Please don't feel alone,

cause you're not.

不要害怕.

We're all in this together.

at the same time i constantly tell myself not to think too much about it, i was equally scared to step into uni this afternoon. reason being, i know i wouldn't be able to be as strong as i want to be when it comes to dealing with things like this. turns out, it actually felt ten times worse deep down inside. i don't even know what word to use to describe how i felt when the moment i was dreading finally came. it sucks so badly. for the first time i'm feeling this terrible, so in despair. i want to think positive and i want to be good again and i hope i can accept and face this in a better way. when i talk to people about it i feel better, but once i start to think about it the same feeling returns. i'm supposed to be helping you what's wrong with me. chatting with you on msn again was different. i miss the familiarity so badly even i cannot imagine i would be so. all the more, if i'm feeling so terrible i wonder how is it for you to face everything and everyone.

let's just start from now. chill right?

Pale

The world seems not the same,

Though i know nothing has changed.

it's all my state of mind,

I can't leave it all behind.

Have to stand up to be stronger. 


Have to try to break free

From the thoughts in my mind.
Use the time that I have,
I can't say goodbye,
Have to make it right.
Have to fight, cause I know

In the end it's worthwhile,

That the pain that I feel slowly fades away.

It will be alright.

I know, should realize

Time is precious, it is worthwhile.

Despite how I feel inside,

Have to trust it'll be all right.

Have to stand up to be stronger.

Oh, this night is too long.

Have no strength to go on.

No more pain, I'm floating away.

Through the mist see the face

Of an angel, who calls my name.

I remember you're the reason I have to stay.

how i wish everything was just a dream :'(

We'll see how it goes tomorrow,

this time without expectations in mind.
i don't know what else to think anymore, why am i starting to feel oblivious.
the questions marks in me are killing me, come please come sooner tomorrow. sleep sleep sleep.

As if you have a choice;

this must have been one of the 24 hours with most ups and downs for me so far. it felt almost like i went on a parachute jump excitedly and my parachute just let down on me the moment i spotted this space i thought i could have landed on. gracefully.

today, 16th October, is the birthday of my very close friend. come to think of it, it's been 10 years since i first knew you when your hair was only ear-length. 10 years ago, i totally did not expect us to be getting this close to each other. now, i feel truly grateful for everything to be so fated for this friendship of ours to grow into something so important to me. i cannot imagine myself losing it. thank you for always being there by my side through the good times. those memories are irreplaceable. happy birthday. i'm glad this year's surprise turned out better than the one last time. just want to say, you added a lot of colours to my life. 

*

then, also on the 16th, i finally met this someone whom i've been longing to meet. it's pretty good. this person amazes me so much. it felt extraordinarily great to be under the sun again this morning with the friends i love. although it was really sunny and my skin almost got burned, swinging the tennis racket to hit the ball felt really good. and on the other side of the net, was this big ball of positive energy who was very encouraging in every way. i'm amazed. it makes me wonder how someone can actually be so close to perfect. 

*

and i actually felt high-spirited after that. until just now, not too long ago. what i've been told of really hit me quite badly. because it's all too sudden, too unexpected, too unbelievable, too much of the opposite from what i thought, way to hard to be accepted. it was a combination of all the worst feelings gushing through me, and i ended up feeling blank. it was too harsh to accept, i've not found a place for it to set in yet. i've been appreciating everything so so much already all the while, but still, i think it's hurting even more now that things might not be like how it used to be anymore. even until this second, i seriously still can't fully believe it's happening. 

what i've been thinking about previously, goodbye for now.

things happen, and we wouldn't know how or why or when it will happen to us, or anyone around us. certain things are just not meant to be planned for. 

where is the fairy that grant people with 3 wishes? you're in need now!

it'll get better, it'll get better, it'll get better, because it just has to get better. yes it will. 

Lesson Learnt.

Do NOT talk behind people's back in the daylight!

...because whoever or whatever it is, there's a high tendency he or it will just appear right before your eyes before you even noticed. shucks, it just had to happen today.

#1 AIS test tomorrow, i hope i can do it! after all the times of not paying attention in lectures sigh.

#2 ngek is in the air~

#3 have been feeling kinda deprived of the motivation needed to do certain things nowadays and i wonder what's wrong.

#4 another thing, i hope whatever the plan is will turn out great. as great as how she made me feel ;)

#5 the exact same person, in his / her bad mood and in his / her good mood, there's really, really, reallyyyyy a big difference! the latter is plain awesome! and it actually affects the other people around him / her too. i felt it, saw it, experienced it today :D

There's just too much that time cannot erase,

oh pretty please i hope things have not changed.

Just know that you're not in this thing alone,

There's always a place in me you can call home,

Whenever you feel like we're growing apart,

Let's just go back to the start,

Anything that's worth having,

Is sure enough worth fighting for,

Quitting's out of the question,

When it gets tough gotta fight some more.

*

finally handed in our AIS drafts to Ms Raji after visiting her room for 3 times in total. had the chance to berbonding with Ms Tana though. she's all so motherly when we speak to her, like she'll make sure that you really have already managed to pass the draft to Ms Raji and stuff.

and on a super bright note, B&F assignment is officially down woots! now time for business law~ talking about business law reminds me of D. not that i want him to be back to work on the assignment or what, but i'm really hoping he recovers fast and comes back to join us again! *hao xin you hao bao right? ><* 

by the way, the recent North-South Expressway tragedy is really heartbreaking. i didn't really follow up the news until today on the way home, my mom told me a little about one of the victim who is a van driver.

the first time his brother received the call saying he's met an accident, he didn't actually believe. until the second call came and the brother heard ambulance sirens behind he knew something really wasn't right. immediately fetched his parents and drove from Johor (if i've not mistaken) to where the accident took place. and on his way there, it was so jam he couldn't stand it anymore so stopped a motorcyclist along the highway so that he could reach to his brother as soon as possible. when he saw his brother's body sticking out from the van, he helped to pull him out or something. and the rescue team told him that his brother is dead already but he still couldn't accept what he's been told.

it must have been like AN ENORMOUS PIERCING STAB RIGHT THROUGH HIS HEART to face his brother's death. i mean super T_T okay, nobody ever expected anything like that to happen. and when it just happened all of a sudden, and you just have to accept it all cause nothing can be done to turn the time back. isn't that almost enough to kill? T_T


as my mom was telling me about it, i felt so terribly :'/
and my mom said, we must really live in the moment. if there's ever anything you feel like giving a try, just do it so you'll have no regrets.

Broken nerves

i suppose what you get from long hours of tormenting nervous breakdown are, broken nerves.

first ppt slide for B&F presentation :D

today seemed unusually LONGGGGG. even when i was climbing the stairs up to 2nd floor i felt so reluctant, in my mind it's like ohmygosh am i ready for the presentation later? will i forget my points? all the scary things just started popping in my head. 

during the first lecture at 8.30am itself i checked for the time when it was 8.51am, after what-felt-so-long i asked for the time again to realise that it's only been 15 minutes. asked myself what i've absorbed from today's class and my mind was blank. 

seriously never felt so nervous in a long time, so i kinda already forgotten how it feels to be speaking in front of the entire class. it's a very weird feeling that comes on and off, one second i'll feel super extremely nervous, then the next second i tell myself there's nothing to be scared of, stop thinking so much and i felt better, then another second my heart will be beating very fast again. quite crazy xD

oh and that's why AIS lecture today = cuckoo time! what happens when the nervous-ness in me exceeds the normal level - couldn't pay attention in class; had speech disorder cause my mind can't seem to think properly anymore, hence the weird sentences that even me myself couldn't understand; tried to recall lyrics of those kiddy songs, like row row row your boat, twinkle twinkle little star, mary had a little lamb, abc song, elmo song, go diego go and whatnot. 

even skipped MA tutorial today cause it was RIGHT before B&F tutorial, which is our presentation time. glad that we can have it replaced on thursday morning. it was good practising in front of the class again and again. there were a lot of stunt moments like what am i going to say next? during the practice though. 

then the time came and we volunteered to present before the other group. and i have to say the most most most nerve-wracking moment was definitely when HH started talking about organisation structure, each time she says "okay, the next department is....." my heart follows to beat faster and faster and faster. until finally when she said "the last department is....", i was really tooooo nervous, i felt that once i start speaking my voice will be trembling. *breathe in breathe out*

and finally when it was my turn. i can't recall where my eyes were looking, just kept talking and hoping real hard that there wouldn't be any stunt-and-blank moment. and it was from extremely nervous to okay okay nervous to aiyaa forget about the nervousness, and that was when my part ended. (Y)

other than the nervousness, the day's been pretty good. my family was planning for year-end holidays and just when i was wondering when the exam timetable would be out, it was out in elearn! and also when i was wondering will the SIFE person ever reply my email, i received the reply! 

simple things like this make my day :)

so here's a picture to share~

found by a very cute friend and yeahh the picture made me laugh.

AIS assignment + Management accounting test + Business law assignment + catching up with all the work = In serious need to gambatehhhhh!