Unexpectedly.

read through the gbubble again and again, although tears kept falling, i was somehow feeling a lot better at the same time. just really really grateful to have known someone like you. thank you for appearing at such a right time telling me the things i needed to hear.

if there was this chance, one day, i would like to meet myself. 

Notebook of Love:

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If a girl is stupid enough to love you after you broke her heart, I guarantee you, she is the one.

i'm a stupid girl :'( 

today when sister was searching for a book in MPH they suddenly started playing this song from an old korean drama we used to watch. one of the very few korean dramas i watched and liked (y) sadly i remember liking it but not really the storyline anymore T.T

it's scary when memories start fading away... 

Ctrl + Z

the other day when i accidentally looked at you, my heart still skipped a beat. i like it how i still feel the same about you despite everything that has happened. don't quite know how to describe it, but it's very comforting to know that i'm actually still certain about how i felt and feel. it doesn't matter what's going to happen in the end... nobody would know what's going to happen anyways. it's just really tiring, emotionally, to be suppressing how i feel all the time, i don't want to be someone who is not myself either.

dear heart, i allow you to be free of how you want to feel okays. if you're ever feeling the pain again, i will let the tears fall to lessen your pain; but when you feel happy, i will be sure to reward you with smileys :) :)

and dear brain, please study hard okeh. you're not even trying your best yet. angry you ar..grr. 

two more days. *smacks self!! T.T

"don't think that you should never fail. give it your best shot."

1575

it's strange i somehow had a good feeling about this number when i got it in the morning. surprisingly, it didn't fail me! already lost half of the hope when it wasn't called in the first round. paid 101% attention to the first few numbers they called out in the second round of lucky draw, until i felt ready to give up already i just left the number on the table and continued fighting with the stubborn stapler gun bullets on the SIFE flag.

just when my mind was filled with the nasty idea of trimming off the sides of the flag cause it really felt like mission impossible to get those bullets out (might have done that if it wasn't for wan li), wasn't even paying attention to the numbers anymore until i suddenly realised the rest of them around me were so excitedly jumping shouting 1575! 1575!!

that epic moment. it was so close, they almost wanted to skip the number already, then all of them started waving to the people on the stage. was too stunned to even think, just dropped the stapler and scissors in my hands, grabbed whatever paper they handed to me and off to the stage! *drama much!

but seriously, never even thought my number would be lucky enough to get picked by Timothy Tiah.

fortunate or unfortunate (quote mr lawrence) 1575 was merely one pick away from getting the iPod shuffle!


above all, despite the crazy tiredness, i think the CIMA Conference served its purpose well - bringing students from different Universities together, getting successful individuals to share their views on what success is truly about, and providing the opportunity for networking.

who knew we would be meeting so many amazing individuals, particularly the people from CIMA, Taylor's business school and the UMS Sife alumnus who's currently working with Kpmg. they were all so supportive and encouraging. extra motivation!

also really appreciate how the sifers really wanted to help. and they would say things like "you must be tired staying here the whole day, go and rest, we'll stay at the booth." one of the girls was feeling unwell, but still insisted on coming since she promised to. some only signed up for a two hours slot, but realised we didn't have enough people so they just stayed on. some tried to stay till as late as possible just so they could help more. it's just really heartwarming.

definitely been a great experience exploring so many new roads too! allows me to conclude that my sense of direction is really beyond terrible! T.T

What are you really looking for?

today at Taylor's lakeside before the rain decided to invade us, our booth was right outside the hall, facing this big piece of clear light blue sky. i couldn't help looking at it for a very very long time.

staring blankly into the sky as the wind continued to blow into my face, you are the first thing that came to my mind. honestly, i have never thought of you any lesser as compared to before, except from a new perspective. it's funny how people change, how things change, so easily. it sucks to find yourself strongly believing in something like you've never did before, and the next day you realised things are not the same anymore. you need to convince yourself not to believe anymore even if you secretly still do. you're eager to find out what went wrong, hoping you could fix it even if you know it's hopeless. you need to find a recycle bin to trash all the most genuine feelings you ever gave out. while doing all these, you're also supposed to stop thinking about it. so whatever happens, happens. even if you really feel like saying/doing some of the things, you hold it all back. 

but what am i really looking for? where do i wish to find myself by the end of the day?

misery aside, spent a really great day trying out many new things for the first time...

#1 drove all alone for the first time! felt like a big part was missing without my sleepy sister in the car! and then parking at a place i've never been to before. couldn't explain how lost i felt, but my mind was already processing who i should call if anything happened.

#2 played with the inflatable rock climbing thingy and also the velcro sticky wall thingy for the first time. though both of them turned out epic fail. we laughed at each other so much till we had stomachaches. good try though! right hand aching now Lol.

#3 was unlucky twice that i got chocolates twice instead of a thumbdriveeee. but it was a worthwhile experience getting to talk with a big mic in front of a big camera. what's great about it was the topic we were supposed to talk about - your parents. first time in my life, in front of strangers, i spoke from the bottom of my heart about how amazing my parents are and how much i love them. :) 

#4 went for the "Anyone Can Model" photo shoot and won myself a goody bag woots. i lurved it how we were all so sporting to try, usually everyone would just shy away and not even give it a try.  

#5 bonded with classmates whom i wasn't close to. it's that very nice feeling to find yourself so comfortably talking to someone you rarely speak to, just to discover another very nice person. 

all in all, i really enjoyed that idea of trying out new things. even though you might not be able to do it well, we only get to live once, not even a single day or moment is going to repeat itself. so whatever la, while we can do it, DO IT! always love exploring new things!

it's time to put my time management skills to test. seriously. 

T_T can't believe it. cannot possibly believe it. don't want to believe it. can i not believe it???

starting to feel that this year really ain't that good a year. mehhh.

in everything, just be truthful.
you can lie to the whole world, but you'll never be able to lie to yourself.

after all, my heart is not as tough as i think it is.

i hope everything will settle down and be good again soon. want to see all my friends happy.

note to self: keep reminding yourself to stay positive. things always turn out better when you think of it the good way. don't betray your own feelings. 

choose to believe, things will be better.

Grateful.

The people who'll be there for you for whatever whenever they can. How they'll try their best to help you even though it isn't anything that will affect them. I really appreciate the sincerity.

If only...

we could take the health/lives of the bad guys who are not appreciating their lives... and then redistribute it to the nicest/loveliest people around.

life really isn't always fair.

trust.



"Sometimes it is easier to smile even if you're hurting inside, than to explain to the whole world why you're sad..." 


-always thought so too. but when someone very close to you could say everything as if she knows exactly how you're feeling, it's just...unbearable. only tears can do the justice.

out of words. :(