What keeps you going?

a pleasant reply from pn tang after more than a month, especially in the midst of drowning in figures from the cash flow statements. it's so sad to know that she's not teaching in bu4 anymore, i wonder what has happened to cooking club then.

haven't done this in a while already can't believe i cried this afternoon after coming home. thinking about how we were all like naive little kids during fia and in just another semester's time we'll be graduating already. thinking about how i will miss some of the seniors so badly. can totally film a clip on "meet my aaawesome seniors", you've got to meet them to feel the awesomeness! there's this super senior who's always so inspiring and would offer herself to cry with me like she could read my mind and know that i wasn't alright; then there's also a really cute animal senior who's always very positive and motivating and funnaay; and another who's forever so kind and helpful and would make sure that everything's fine till the end; and the list goes on. definitely great memories.


who says BAF got no friends. 

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?

why are some things gone just like that and i can't seem to get them back anymore. i was never ready for it.

somehow, worried about you.

sometimes, i amaze myself with the things i do.

What's never-ending?

and so we suddenly hopped into the topic of good cartoons over lunch today, totally reminded me of toy story 3 which made me laugh until cry and then cry until laugh all over again. luuurved it! then i realised i've got sooooo many cartoons/movies that i've always wanted but haven't had the chance to watch. too many o_o some of the ones mentioned like madagascar 3 (cuz ms mad said it's extremely vibrant and brings out the quality of perseverance in friendship aaaw), rio (which was mistaken as rango the lizard by esther haha) and arthur christmas (recommended by hyii). then there's the smurfs (ann's favourite), breaking dawn (because it feels incomplete not watching it after all the front episodes), the vow (although many said it's not up to expectation), justin bieber's never say never (i don't really know why, just curious), the avengers (the whole world's been talking about it!), thor (i wna know why my brother got obsessed with him), x-men first class (remember a lot of people saying it's niceee too) and i can't even recall already, so manyyy on the list! :O

two more weeks to finals! give it your best! :)

Without a script.

moments like these feel really awesome. we went over to gold this afternoon expecting a simple interview with Pn J and the kids just to get feedback on how sife has impacted them so far. who knew it would turn out to be so overwhelming because everything they said was so heartfelt. no interview questions prepared beforehand, no script provided and everything was just spontaneous. Pn J herself, kasim's father and aunty moi went on for a good 9 minutes giving their feedback.

it was really like some sort of moment of realisation. that so far on our side, we've been so busy getting members to be committed to the project, to come together and work the stock take out over three consecutive weekends, to get the costing for muffins sorted out, source for suppliers, get feedback and more feedback on how to improve on the muffins, and to convince people to take up the muffins from gold. and in the midst of all those busy stressful moments trying to rush assignments and take care of the project at the same time, there were times i asked myself if i was really doing the right thing. shouldn't i be giving my all to studies. the interview session today seemed to have answered all the doubts i had.

and the kids (well, not really kids anymore) at the centre are just too adorbz. they way they so naively believe in everything you tell them makes me feel like sharing my brain with them. if only a brain that's being cut into half would grow back like a lizard's tail. ohhh eeew bad example. but yeah, how would their parents feel when they see other kids growing and learning day by day? them special kids being special requires so much extra effort from the parents to take care of them, to protect them from the harsh harsh world, and to hope that one day they will be able to stand on their own even after they're gone. 

to be such a lucky girl, i feel obliged to love this life and everything around me even more!  

A place full of hope.

so today brother went back to the doctor for check up and it was all good. phew~ it all started with this love letter from the clinic doctor (which i tried real hard to read but could barely figure out half of what's written).  

the doctors' secret code

anyways, the short trip to the hospital with my brother made me wonder how it's like to be working as a doctor or even a nurse. first thing that came to my mind was that it's so, so so so different from professions like accountancy? maybe not so much in terms of the working hours, but the thing that drives them to work day and night without feeling tired of the job. i'm not sure how much of a role money plays in this, but it's so many lives they're saving. patients who are fighting so hard for miracles to happen have got all their hopes on these people. even if you're just a nurse, every little action of yours would mean so much to the patient, the way you smile to them, talk to them, convince them that everything is going to be okay. it all means so much. i really like the idea of jobs like these that directly touches people's lives. by the end of the day, no matter how tired, seeing the patients recover one by one and become healthy again must be the best-est reward someone can ever get. 

drip drip drop.. that needle poking into the hand looked super painful! ><

while we were at the waiting bay before my brother was admitted to a ward i saw a few other patients with their family members too. there was this poor kid next to my brother who fractured his right arm (looked quite bad by the way it was bandaged), but the parents were still grumbling at him not wanting to eat and all. then there was another little cute malay girl with huge eyes, so cute that i couldn't resist waving to her. and she actually waved back! :D but after a couple of minutes, the nurse was trying to cover her face with the oxygen mask but she seemed to be terrified by it, kept crying and crying :( *heartbreaking much

lil pink tortoise and albino kangaroo on the way there~ 

as we got to the room, opposite my brother's bed was this man with diabetes :( what really caught my attention was his daughter who was sooo patient in taking care of him, he was refusing to eat, but the daughter just slowly fed him and was telling him nicely how he should eat so he'll have enough strength to recover. the next day when we went back to visit my brother, she was there talking to her dad to keep him company too. 

joyyyride :P

as for my own family, everyone got so worried about brother, little sister was so cute she went googling about brother's condition, mum was busy checking on my brother, dad made sure my brother's got everything that he needed over the stay at the hospital, elder sister made sure that all of us would go visit him together again on the second day, and... i just didn't want my brother to feel lonely or bored at the hospital so i brought him extra visitors :P 

and we're there! :)

the only vivid memory i have about going to the hospital was when i followed dad to visit mum at sjmc when my younger sister was at her littlest :p 18 years back but that fraction of the memory still remains quite clear. going to the hospital again this time round felt very different though. seeing some of the patients in a lot of pain was really very very painful to me too, but how the family/friends were around to give support really touched my heart too. 

home sweet home :D brother was thoughtful enough to let roo peek his head out for some fresh air heh.

if only it wasn't when FCR assignment was about to due, i could have spent more time with my brother rather than just bringing him extra visitors. Lol. my brother's very much like me that we don't fancy reading story books, and this was the first time ever he actually asked me to look for a nice book so he could read when he's got nothing to do. 

took over brother's room to hardcore for FCR when he's not home.

and honestly, i'm actually really excited for my friends who are going to be doctors one day :) 

When you least expect.

woke up this morning feeling like i've barely slept, but i told myself today has got to be a good day because being sad can really be quite tiring sometimes. and reeeally i got so surprised by a text this morning saying "hello! i'm back and this is my temporary number". very naturally, the first person who crossed my mind was Cali (brr missing her too badly), even after i replied asking "who's baaack?", i was secretly expecting the mysterious person to be Cali. but who knew! It's Bitty! honestly, *EXCITES* just can't wait to see everyone again! but hey, if Bitty's back, does it mean one year has just gone by? :O why is everything moving on so quickly? *shivers* i don't want to leave Uni :'(

so that was the happy half of the day until qx called and the voice on the other side of the phone just didn't sound like the usual bubbly cheerful girl i know. another thing i never expected to hear. but i believe it'll be good, yes. i mean i want it to be good. it has to be good. you said you're stronger than i am, but i thought i was stronger than this too. i know you're very much like me, you know it too.

learning to expect less... to just go with the flow. whatever's meant to be, will be. with the condition that i have already given it the best i can!

While change is constant, some things never change.

"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, it is still a beautiful place."


do you know what's worth fighting for?

Stuck at step 2.

without realising, it's been four months already. what's holding me back from moving on?

What we are made of.

when you were actually so happy about it, why didn't you show it? silly girl.

you're really just not as tough as you think you can be. :'( why..

like the financial and economic crisis in year 2008, 2012 for me so far seems to be filled with so much emotional crisis. i don't even know why (or maybe i do), but i've never felt this level of sadness before. that i can almost feel the pain in the heart every now and then. i didn't use to be like this. trying to still hold on to what i believe in to keep myself going. :)

we can do this!!!

"You're a strong girl, and I have faith in you."

no matter how circumstances are different, wouldn't everything else hold us together still... :'(

in time, it will all get better.

but for now, it hurts so bad i can't even seem to focus on work when i want to. what do i do.