These little things.

sometimes i can't help but to wonder how you feel deep down inside. haven't spoken to you like this in a while, and it just felt all too good today i almost didn't feel like leaving when my sister's done. hoping that our conversation could go on for a longer time, and stay that way forever.

talking about how time flies, you mentioned it didn't feel like it's been one year since internship. without realising, it's been close to a year can you believe it? everytime it comes back to me, i'll blame myself for not fighting hard enough for everything about you that i cherish so dearly. but what's the point? we can never go back in time, and the only way to go is to move forward from wherever we're standing now. just wish to at least regain a little bit of the 'us' we used to be.

today a friend said something that kept me thinking a long time. how she described me to be filled with endless positive energy when we first met in college, and how she saw that part of me slowly disappear throughout these years. i felt it so strongly cause this is not the first time i'm hearing something like this. a few of the closest people around me thought the same. honestly, i love how i used to be too.

it was like a period of insane internal battle of emotions within me at the start of the year. i fought so hard trying to hold on to the very me, but i seemed to be losing it more than anything else. vaguely remember the days i used to cry in bed every night without myself even knowing until the tears felt cold on my cheek. since it was internship then, there were so many new people to meet. from something very natural of me, it felt like so much effort when i had to smile and talk to them happily when inside my heart was a mess. 

as much as positive thinking could do, it can never be comparable to genuine happiness from within. slowly, i think i just got used to being the sad me. 

but well, life is interesting only because it is always filled with challenges and hopes. challenges that would tear us down but make sure that we come back up stronger and tougher at heart; hopes to keep us going even when all else seems impossible and dark.

during the down times, i found myself doing things i never thought i'd do, i appreciate those who stayed by my side always checking on me to make sure i'm alright, i learned that things might not always be like a happy dream but they happen for a reason.


whatever happened happened. today's such a great day. in many ways.


shall end this long somewhat emo-ish post with a note mummy wrote to me today, was so surprised to get it:

It doesn't matter who hurt you, or broke you down, 

what matters is who made you smile again.

Nobody can take away your pain,

so don't let anyone take away your happiness.

Life is never easier, 

we just get stronger.

Who apologizes first is the bravest,

who forgives first is the happiest.

Life is short and you deserve to be happy,

whatever you are facing today,

remember to give yourself some credit for making it this far.

You are stronger than you know.

♥ Mama love you sweet baby ♥

made me all the more happier today. can never thank you enough for always always being there for me you awesome mummy.