for tonight, please allow me to cry. i am really not as strong as i think i am.

gotta give myself some time and think about what I really want to do with life. somehow it just doesn't feel right without any planning. if I'm not doing anything about it, I foresee myself stuck right where I am now for another two years plus. what am I going to get out of this? what do I really want to do with life?

Appreciation.

Halfway working and flashbacks of what happened today can't help making me feel like a happy kid, genuinely happy from the heart. The way you helped me look for a plug in the library cus my phone was dying and you knew i needed to reply messages, how you took my bag from my lap cus you thought it wasn't too comfortable for me to eat with a bag on my lap, how you didn't mind taking a longer way home cus i haven't seen the new Deloitte building yet, and when you drop me home you would always wait for me to open the door and enter the house before you leave... your thoughtfulness is really, very charming.

Dilemma.

If this is a choice i already made, but realised i'm not really enjoying it. Then, should i endure and embrace it? or explore a new path that is filled with more uncertainties?

For now, i think i will just do my best for these four years and try my best to complete my professional papers. Yes, give myself four years. No options are going to be guaranteed perfect. Along with every decision made, will be its pros and cons. I will focus on the positives i'm seeing in my current option, and magnify them. The people i've met, the time management i've learned, the many different types of personalities i've to deal with, etc...

In time to come, i will bring all these valuable experience with me, to do something i truly enjoy doing one day. Something that will allow me to fully utilise my strengths.



These days i've been feeling extra extra appreciative, of everything and everyone around me. I see how my grandma is fighting strong to get well, how a lot of other patients in the hospital want to be well but are unwell. And how a lot of us are just so lucky to be healthy and able to work. We should not complain about work, we should not hate the people around us. Hate will only create anger and even more hatred. Always put ourselves in another person's shoes before we act.

I just really really really hope grandma will get well soon and be relieved of the pain she is going through. She is such a selfless woman, always so caring and thoughtful of everyone around her, before herself. So cute for her age, and just a really nice lady. I wish we can celebrate another chinese new year together. i believe we will be able to!! :) *stay positive!*

Above all, i also secretly want to thank this special person in my life for always being there for me and to cheer me up. You've added lots of happiness to my life, and i sure hope i've brought you happiness too:)

Twenty fourteen now.

This life we only get to live once, is like an adventure out in the wild. We do not know exactly what is coming up, but at every crossroad we get to make a choice. A choice which would then indirectly determine the kind of journey we wish to travel.

Just the other day my younger sister mentioned to me she's keeping a diary and i thought hey, why not. And then i remembered my long abandoned scribbling space here :)

2013 has definitely been filled with lots of ups and downs and it felt like a big roller coaster ride. Many things have changed since then. Now, i am just really eager to find out how 2014's going to turn out to be.

Can't wait till chinese new year cus i finally get a break to go back to hometown and visit wai po. One more working day! jia you siew ming :D

Courage.

the courage to face changes and accept them as they are,
the courage to fight against changes we are reluctant to face,
the courage to be different and be the change itself,
the courage to actually put them words into solid plans and actions...

all it takes is how much you actually really want something,
if you want it bad enough, you'll master all the courage needed. somehow.

do you already know where you're heading to? what do you really want?