L♥ve.

this feeling i can't seem to explicitly put into words. just a little reminder to myself to be extremely thankful for the love i'm receiving from people around me; and also to remember to spread love to those who matter in return. life is really way too unpredictable and fragile for us to keep everything for the last, while you're feeling it, while you feel like doing it, just do it. love while we can :)

Feeling suppressed.

I guess this is what it takes to be doing something that seems/feels right, but is just not right for myself. I have voices inside me that shouts out to something somewhat different from what i'm allowed to portray. One day, i'll find a place for them to be expressed. After all, we only get to live once. Don't take life too harshly. Aite?

When you want something bad enough, nothing will be able to stop you from getting it.

There can be ten thousand people telling you how good something is, but ultimately if your heart feels otherwise, will it make more sense to stand up for yourself?


Everyone is just too different to tell you what is best for you. Only you know what's best for yourself.

Some things never change.

The way my heart silently follows to smile when I see you smile;


The way I get most worried if anything ever happens to you;


The way I look forward to your messages;


The way I love sharing every little thing in my life with you;


The way I miss you every night before going to bed.




I am happy I fell in love with someone I truly love.

everything can feel like it's probable, as if you know how it's going to work out. we actually have no idea what's going to happen the next day, or even the next minute.


i therefore choose to appreciate what i've got at this moment. no clue what's going to happen when we finally talk about it, will things turn out fine?


i can only keep on holding onto the belief that what's meant to be, will be...

- i have faith in us.

"I love you can mean complete vulnerability. Maybe not right away but eventually you’ll begin to rely on this person. You’ll call for them when you’re sick and you’ll cry on them when someone dies and you’ll rely on them when exhaustion takes its toll. You’re dangerously close to becoming accustomed to their presence so the threat of their indefinite absence becomes overwhelming. It’s not that you couldn’t live without them. You could. You’ll just know that if it ever came to it, you wouldn’t want to. And that want can paralyze you if it isn’t reciprocated."

- with all that it takes, i still choose to love you. 

Where there's a will, there's a way. If one really wants to do something, one can.


I can do this *kickkickpunchpunch*






One way or another, life still has to go on... Make the most out of it.

for tonight, please allow me to cry. i am really not as strong as i think i am.

gotta give myself some time and think about what I really want to do with life. somehow it just doesn't feel right without any planning. if I'm not doing anything about it, I foresee myself stuck right where I am now for another two years plus. what am I going to get out of this? what do I really want to do with life?

Appreciation.

Halfway working and flashbacks of what happened today can't help making me feel like a happy kid, genuinely happy from the heart. The way you helped me look for a plug in the library cus my phone was dying and you knew i needed to reply messages, how you took my bag from my lap cus you thought it wasn't too comfortable for me to eat with a bag on my lap, how you didn't mind taking a longer way home cus i haven't seen the new Deloitte building yet, and when you drop me home you would always wait for me to open the door and enter the house before you leave... your thoughtfulness is really, very charming.

Dilemma.

If this is a choice i already made, but realised i'm not really enjoying it. Then, should i endure and embrace it? or explore a new path that is filled with more uncertainties?

For now, i think i will just do my best for these four years and try my best to complete my professional papers. Yes, give myself four years. No options are going to be guaranteed perfect. Along with every decision made, will be its pros and cons. I will focus on the positives i'm seeing in my current option, and magnify them. The people i've met, the time management i've learned, the many different types of personalities i've to deal with, etc...

In time to come, i will bring all these valuable experience with me, to do something i truly enjoy doing one day. Something that will allow me to fully utilise my strengths.



These days i've been feeling extra extra appreciative, of everything and everyone around me. I see how my grandma is fighting strong to get well, how a lot of other patients in the hospital want to be well but are unwell. And how a lot of us are just so lucky to be healthy and able to work. We should not complain about work, we should not hate the people around us. Hate will only create anger and even more hatred. Always put ourselves in another person's shoes before we act.

I just really really really hope grandma will get well soon and be relieved of the pain she is going through. She is such a selfless woman, always so caring and thoughtful of everyone around her, before herself. So cute for her age, and just a really nice lady. I wish we can celebrate another chinese new year together. i believe we will be able to!! :) *stay positive!*

Above all, i also secretly want to thank this special person in my life for always being there for me and to cheer me up. You've added lots of happiness to my life, and i sure hope i've brought you happiness too:)

Twenty fourteen now.

This life we only get to live once, is like an adventure out in the wild. We do not know exactly what is coming up, but at every crossroad we get to make a choice. A choice which would then indirectly determine the kind of journey we wish to travel.

Just the other day my younger sister mentioned to me she's keeping a diary and i thought hey, why not. And then i remembered my long abandoned scribbling space here :)

2013 has definitely been filled with lots of ups and downs and it felt like a big roller coaster ride. Many things have changed since then. Now, i am just really eager to find out how 2014's going to turn out to be.

Can't wait till chinese new year cus i finally get a break to go back to hometown and visit wai po. One more working day! jia you siew ming :D

Courage.

the courage to face changes and accept them as they are,
the courage to fight against changes we are reluctant to face,
the courage to be different and be the change itself,
the courage to actually put them words into solid plans and actions...

all it takes is how much you actually really want something,
if you want it bad enough, you'll master all the courage needed. somehow.

do you already know where you're heading to? what do you really want?

you're in this place where i once was and i hope these two months of internship would be a great experience for you. Day 1 and you already think i'd be a good sister. thank you for giving me that extra bit of positivity. 

tired. 

but i know you can be better than this, siew ming. 

Sky high.

i suddenly really just feel like watching the sky. morning sky, afternoon sky, night sky, any sky. just want to stare into the vast horizons and indulge myself in the spaciousness, just want to set my mind free...

why is it coming back to me so much lately? it's true that with time, only the good things still linger. 

keep going. 

how are you now?

Changes.

so many things are happening, so many changes. in a couple of months' time, how are things going to be like? how am i going to face the day you're leaving to a place so far away :( it's true, the more memories together, the harder to say goodbye. 

since when did i grow this fear towards future? stay strong and believe that you can do it. sometimes all you need to know is that everything will eventually be fine. 

at times like this, my silly dream of hoping that humans could survive without sleeping is hitting me again.

cus WHOA, sooo much extra time if we cut the sleeping. provided we won't turn zombie the next day!

how long is four years? or rather, how short is four years going to be?

odd odd feelings, where'd you come from? nothing feels quite perfectly right lately. what's wrong. there goes my first week at work. new place, new people, the same me. time, would you please just slow down a little? i'm terrified.