Precious Bits ♥

2012-02-11T22:56:00.000+08:00

"You can't change the past, and you don't know what the future holds. All you can do is cherish the gift that they call the present."

shattered

2012-02-10T23:26:00.002+08:00

never never ever imagined everything that's happening now to even be real. maybe, i wasn't good enough at expressing everything i wish you knew... maybe even if i did, it wouldn't be making any difference. after all, it doesn't really matter anymore. as long as you're happier.

dear jelly, if it's really something you have so much faith in, just go ahead and bang wall if you ever feel like giving up.

and i wonder if i ever cross your mind,

for me it happens all the time.

The more you don't want to think about it, the more it comes to you..

2012-02-09T01:12:00.002+08:00

rawr whyy soooo! before i can finally sleep, first thing when i open my eyes in the morning, the guy's ringtone in office, after work, the stuff i read about the new client, basically everything everywhere! dear senior, please give me more work tomorrow and ask me to stay back or whatever so my mind will be occupied for as long as possible! thought i made it clear to myself cannot think the emo way! uugh it's not even working! easier said than done much! like pets hotel...is there a heart hotel? i need to abandon my heart for a whileeee!

Sleep early please!

2012-02-08T00:46:00.001+08:00

cannot sleep how? sometimes i'm glad there's this silent space here for me to scribble my thoughts whenever i find it hard to fall asleep *maybe i should try counting sheep one day x). been doing nothing much these couple of days other than sorting out some thoughts but it can be so tiring. emotionally tired haha. i wonder if there's ever like a bestest best way to handle things. is there a way i can possibly find out which action is best before i give it a try? i figured these feelings all grew out of fear, fearful that what i'm about to do would only make things more awkward than i want it to. then they start giving me a headache like literally headache that also comes with a tinge of heartache. if only simplicity could come by more easily. whatever it is, the things beyond my control, there's nothing i can do. i always fancy truthfulness in everything we do though. so i guess nothing can go too wrong if you're truthful enough, cause that's just...you. to feel sad or whatever is one thing, everything else around still goes on like normal, except i've learned to cope with it better. just wanna take whatever that happens with an open heart... i rather be happy! and my greedy wish of hoping that everyone will always be as happy as they can be. there'll definitely be times when the not-so-happy things are in our way, but what are they really? are we just thinking too much that we continue to get trapped in it? what's the way out then?

do you know it never fails to make me smile whenever i see you smile :)

Coincidence.

2012-02-07T02:19:00.002+08:00

lurve it how things happen so coincidentally. something that i've never came across, just when i first realised its existence this morning and then i see it again unexpectedly. feels so...magical :)

and i wonder what daddy wished for before he blew the candles...

i've a strong feeling it has got something to do with us :P just like how he's always so selfless and only wants the best for us. those endless support from him means so much to me. especially during those stressful exam times, he'll always drop by the study room when he's back from work and ask if today's paper was okay. and almost all the time, i'll tell him it's okayy. simple things like this can totally make my day. and it's so cute to see how daddy interacts with Ador haha. he'll scold him for munching on his plants, but at the same time still pluck Ador's favourite plant for him to eat and gets most worried if any cats were to come near Ador. grateful for a dad who showers the family with so much love and care. nothing more i would ask for.

out of gan-cheongness.. totally forgot to poke the "happy birthday" words wuwu.

some songs describe my feelings so explicitly, better than i can even put them into words...

just a dream.

2012-02-06T01:11:00.001+08:00

wonder if i should be happy or sad to have such honest dreams. no matter what i've been trying to think or make myself think in the day, my dreams still bring the subconscious part of me back to reality. which, come to think of it, can be rather ironic -_-

tomorrow's got to be a happy day, daddy's birthday + chap goh mei :)

hm.. sleep sleep! :)

对不起我却没捉紧你

2012-02-05T01:23:00.000+08:00

Don't you think Stitch is really cute? :D

got reminded of how cute STITCH is after looking at wan chin's wallpaper for a week. so sad that i only get to be with them for a week... plus i only gotten closer to the client's staff, but won't get to see them anymore after this. definitely gonna miss the weird car park and elevators at the client's place too! and our Boss who is positive enough to make me realise that it's not even helping if i continue to be sad myself.

for an entirely new engagement with no previous year's file to refer to, tight timeline, not-the-nicest manager of all, plus the scariest partner... it just complicates the audit a lot more. but i truly admire how Boss takes it as a challenge that will eventually only bring him more good - experience and sense of achievement.

statutory audit on my last day with Boss was pretty good. they had this policy of "letting them handle everything" so all i had to do was fill in a form and the photostating job (which i think can be quite stressful) is left to them. teehee. since the secretarial office was located at the Gardens' north tower, Boss decided to do some window shopping at midvalley.. went around a few toy shops looking for those very cool looking transformers models and stumbled upon resident evil's new trailer. gosh it looked so real i almost thought it was real humans in the game! *jakun-ness heh.

headed back to office later on to pick wan chin up before going to client's place again. the only rewarding thing to be staying late at the client's has got to be the beautiful night view. it just feels very nice looking at the kl tower, twin towers and all the other tinier buildings light up in the dark.

one of the important traits i have learned so far? to be adaptive!

been with three different seniors to three different clients. and they are all so different! first senior was soft spoken and gentle, and her work is always very neat so i learned to be neat with the templates from her too. second senior's a malay so we have malay food for lunch most of the time, and she listens to malay radio station on our way to Port Klang - we listen to this Ombak Rindu song almost everyday until i kinda like it already it's such a sad sad song, and she tells me about her hubby and baby most of the time so it was quite funny haha i don't usually have friends telling about all these, but i got very used to listening to her stories *still need to find out if baby's a twin a girl or a boy!* heeh. and the third senior who always talks like a boss, so we call him Boss is the first one who's telling me how much he's seeing the good things about the job, and since Boss smokes, we'll sit at the smoking area during lunch, almost didn't feel like breathing the first time we had lunch together, but how can? Lol. so kinda got used to it too.

fourth senior contacted me through email already, and he's got so many different ways of saying HI, every email different hi. hope it'll be fun with the new client!

never knew i could feel so sad until i suddenly woke up from sleep last night and all i knew was that i felt like crying. but i think it's alright to feel sad and not suppress it heh. i'm amazed how sadness can reach a maximum point and turn into positivity instead :) you know it's not that super happy feeling but you feel okay because you're coping well with the sadness. just don't want to lose too much of myself and i will really really treasure all the nice people around me because they will not always be there.

T.T

2012-02-01T21:58:00.004+08:00

i don't know what to do laaa!
i'm so lousy :(

Love actually. is all around.

2012-01-30T23:58:00.003+08:00

TheLoveStories The Love Stories

You never just stop loving someone, either you always will, or you never did in the first place. Love is not easy come, easy go. #TLS

sisterly love, family love, friend friend love, any kinda love... makes a lot of sense doesn't it?

Things left unsaid.

2012-01-29T23:30:00.000+08:00

it's strange how sometimes i can feel it so clearly in my heart like it can never be wrong,

but when i'm faced with the person i suddenly become so lost of words,

quite upsetting.

it's also strange how a childish mafia game could make me laugh till stomach pain,

kinda like it cause laughing helps to take the mind away from thinking too much,

quite crazy.

everyone's really just so special in their own way. which makes it quite impossible to find that same special feeling someone can give on anyone else, although it might only be some very common gestures.

Don't lose faith.

2012-01-27T00:17:00.001+08:00

"...because death is very likely the single best invention of life."

particularly admire this line from steve jobs' speech. like how it reminds me to always live the most out of everyday, even when the day doesn't turn out all bright and sunny.

went digging into my jar of advices again and got this: "Be the someone who really cares completely and unconditionally" for the day. and i find it so true. what is caring for someone if you're not doing it whole-heartedly?

sometimes seeing the people around you happy can be a lot more rewarding than being happy yourself. true story.

What we are made of.

2012-01-20T01:36:00.003+08:00

ever wonder....

what if.....

what if... it didn't happen the way it did...

should there ever be regrets?

in everything, there is always something...

something we will never know if we never tried....

looking at how 2012 started off.... i am really looking forward to the rest of the year....

let's hope it'll be good. more simplicity, more love, joy and peace in the air....

sometimes i really hate myself. for.... for feeling so helpless about everything.

dear positive energy, where have you been?

Before it's too late.

2012-01-17T02:13:00.002+08:00

dear reflective journal, you actually made me realise i've learned pretty much within these couple of weeks. be it audit stuff or people matters. with the occasional complaints about the job, i think i have neglected the better things about this internship. like... the finance executive actually called me by my name today! o_o scared me for a second. i doubt he can read the tiny words on my tag (plus i always face it inwards cause they caps the "vacation trainee" instead of the name), and i don't remember telling him my name, so i thought it must be from the e-meows sent by my senior which is also cc-ed to me. but it's cool he didn't pronounce my name as swimming :D always happens among non-chinese, and he's a malay guy! (y)

you know that happy feeling because of all the yippy things happening around, but along with the happy things, there is something that you're clueless about, which stops you from completely indulging yourself in the happiness you're in. that's quite sad eh. where did all the sense of security go? :'( i need to go to a wishing well because i really don't know what to do. if wish doesn't come true can jump into the well and become orang sedih di bawah tempurung -.-

sometimes i think i get emotional too easily. will putting less feelings into everything i do help? maybe that way i wouldn't grow attached to things so easily. then even when it's gone i wouldn't lose so much of myself.

favourite emo song (y)

2012-01-09T21:54:00.000+08:00

I see your face in my mind as I drive away
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie

It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see

'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me, oh

I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

:'( i miss you so badly. especially when it comes to times like this.

There You'll Be

2011-12-30T19:30:00.000+08:00

It really terrifies me sometimes to think about how time flies. it's funny how i vaguely remember making this promise to myself, for me to work hard and try my best this semester... and then before i even realised i wasn't working hard enough, the exams were here already, and that's pretty much how the semester ended. just like that. but again it can be quite amazing how so many things can happen or change within such a short period of time...whether it's for the better or not. things never really stay the same.

after what i would consider the shortest semester break ever (which lasted for merely two days! over the weekend to be precise), came ze internship i was looking forward to. looking forward to a good experience of how working life is going to be like, meeting new people and learning new stuff we'll never be able to learn from textbooks... other than that, i am actually very reluctant to be away from Uni for threeee months. it can seem so short yet so long at the same time -_- ironic much.

SO how has internship been so far?

coming into the end of the second week of internship, i wouldn't say i'm loving it very much... like i don't get the superrrrr yippaaaaay feeling about work and i pretty much don't feel the ooohm to open my eyes and get out of bed every morning. kinda sad that it's going this way, i was supposed to be looking forward to it and enjoying it a lot. on one side i'm telling myself maybe it's too early to even judge, so KEEP GOING! at the end of the day i might be the first person to say YAY when it comes to auditing; then there's this other part in me that keeps getting bigger as days pass, this little voice that speaks ohno. is this REALLY what i enjoy doing? what happens if i stay in an audit firm for two years after graduating? is it going to do a lot of good in the future? two years ain't short. especially with all the "appreciate every single day" thingies. will i be dreading the days if i were to spend two years doing something i don't quite enjoy? what are the alternatives? are they going to be good as well? aaah man what to doooo?! well, that's the number one thing bothering me after two weeks of my life in Audit P.

that aside, i've also learned not to be too proud of myself as a VACATION TRAINEE :P Lol the other day when my seniors were exchanging name cards with the client, he automatically turned to me expecting me to give him my name card too (aiya...should have given him my SIFE name card heh jk! so many moreeee what am i going to do with them hm..). and so very automatically, i replied with a "I'm sorry i don't have one cause i'm only a vacation trainee". then as we were leaving the place my senior gently nudged me and reminded me not to tell that i'm a trainee. reason being, they might give me special treatment and not want to layan me when i ask for documents. so i can be called NEW, but never a TRAINEE! weee~

number 3! it can really be quite a challenging task to make the most out of doing NOTHING but watch the clock ticks. there were days when my senior and i felt so helpless not knowing what to do cause it takes so much effort to retrieve that one little file. and without the file, there's nothing we could do. so i ended up reading "today's headlines"... i was really reading at first, then i couldn't help to be carried away by what's happening in the surrounding. ended up eavesdropping and trying to see if the people around me are actually enjoying their jobs. but i heard people SIGH, and i heard one guy say "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO AH!". hehe how encouraging! then i went on reading the managing partner's blog which was pretty interesting to see how the employees commented on his posts. hm...here's one of the comments that caught my attention~

pretty awesome :) friendships developed in school life are just priceless...

Can we really be the same in office and in school?
Perhaps we can see each other without differences back in the school days because we have common goals which are to study well, play well and succeed well in our examinations. We used to help each other with home works, revision and even to the extent to understand each other differences. More than that, a friendship developed which could even last a life time. We were just more than a schoolmate or classmate but true friend and true team mate.

Not forgetting our beloved teachers who have the sincere passion and will to actually guide and teach us.

However, can we really have these traits back in the office? Do we have these common goals or do we really work as a true friend and true team mate? Do we really sincerely help each other and guide each other for the common good?

Just for your reflection on what is actually happening in the working world due to the intense competition and selfish cultures that we have built on all these years...People used to believe it's a dogs eat dogs world out there but nowadays, people is actually applying it because belief will lead to action and subsequently leads to "it's a right thing to do"

at times when there's really nothing to do, i stone quite a lot too. and when i stone my mind just happily wanders off thinking about everything, the past present and future. thinking about the people i miss so badly~

LAST one before this post gets too long. working adults can be very young at heart too! the other day when we were having lunch (seafood at Port Klang!) with four of the clients, two of them who are already looking soooo matured, actually took out their canggih touch screen phones and snap snap pictures of their drinks! LOL cause three of them happened to order watermelon juice, some yellow juice, and this green juice! so they happily arranged the cups in the order of the traffic light's colour and got very excited over it. hehe what i thought only childish kid like me would do, but no, they're doing it too! ^^v

that's about it! and of course a lot more on how boring audit terms i've read about from the textbook magically come to life when we really have to apply it. application is really a different thing altogether.

O_O second last day of Year 2011?!?! *rubs eyes checks calender again*

just because

2011-12-24T00:40:00.001+08:00

action speaks louder than words.

we'll never know...

2011-12-21T00:26:00.002+08:00

will we? some things are just so impossible to guess. hoping to have more time each day.... feels like there're so many things to do but so little time to possibly squeeze all of them into the schedule. how i wish you could tell what's on my mind... then maybe i'd be able to tell what's on yours too.

i don't know....

high high!

2011-12-17T13:39:00.000+08:00

"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget." - green balloon

and some people are just irreplaceable like that. :)

many happies cause.....

nay, no need reason to be happy hee :P

are we still good?

2011-12-13T22:05:00.001+08:00

something somewhere just doesn't feel right

this time around i'm completely clueless what went wrong

maybe i'm wrong somewhere sometimes

i would really accept it if you're willing to tell me

perhaps there is something that can be done?

or am i just thinking too much?

hmm i really don't quite know

don't want to be thinking too much either

but i can't seem to get it off my mind since exams started

or maybe even before that

each time i try to treat it as if everything's still fine

i find my heart aching more

and i wonder how you feel

just want everything to be good again.
or maybe to you this is nothing at all
then it goes back to me thinking too much

some of the things are pretty obvious

but they're equally subtle at the same time

so i end up not knowing how to feel

olrights, back to audit.
very sad actually :'(

How do i say this...

2011-12-02T01:50:00.001+08:00

so overwhelmed by the feelings in me,

i actually feel them so much more than i seem to be able to put them into words,

when it all happened so unexpectedly...

i vividly remember how i couldn't believe my ears for the first time,

how my mind literally went blank halfway through a phone conversation,

how i felt like my feet weren't touching the ground anymore,

how those words continued to play in my mind for a long time for the rest of the day,

...and it all happened on that very day.

the day that also signifies the start of this something special in my life,

i've always thought of it as something really, really precious,

and therefore not anything that would come by easily,

so i told myself if it ever did,

i'm going to appreciate it with all my heart,

now that it is really happening to me,

i realised i didn't even have to remind myself to appreciate it,

the feeling just grows from within,

very naturally.

thank you for these 31 little yet amazing days,

this one special month,

will always remain this special.

every nothing, is a something in disguise.

And it's the time of ze year again!

2011-11-22T21:27:00.001+08:00

sophisticated story books make sophisticated kids.

if only textbooks looked like this one here :P

ehehe tired eyes from feeling super guilty that we're not doing assignment/studying -o-

so glad to have you nerding with me this time around!

usually you'll already be catching butterflies by the time i have finals in Dec :P

HAPPY:

last assignment of the sem has finally been submitted! catch a point??? i prolly wouldn't have survived it if it wasn't for you though. thank you so the berry much! :3

NOT-SO-HAPPY:

exams coming in less than two weeks' time! and it's no easy peasy lemon squeezy yo :( cannot give up, hence, the only option - stuuuudy hard ler!

This is my wish for you:

2011-11-18T00:36:00.001+08:00

"Comfort on difficult days,

smiles when sadness intrudes,

rainbows to follow the clouds,

laughter to kiss your lips,

sunsets to warm your heart,

hugs when spirits sag,

beauty for your eyes to see,

friendships to brighten your being,

faith so that you can believe,

confidence for when you doubt,

courage to know yourself,

patience to accept the truth,

love to complete your life."

- Winnie The Pooh

because random decisions are always the best.

2011-11-16T01:27:00.001+08:00

everytime i think about it, my heart still skips a beat.
thank you for being so cute just the way you are. :)

won't see it coming when it happens,
but when it happens you're gonna feel it.

2011-11-15T01:23:00.001+08:00

everything that's happening is not gonna be repeating itself.

love it, appreciate every bit of it.

2011-11-09T22:29:00.003+08:00

so many things on my mind...

some making me smile from the inside,

some are worrying,

some i wish it hadn't happen,

while some are left rather ambiguous,

...strange feelings.

wuwu~

Familiarity.

2011-11-02T01:50:00.003+08:00

just suddenly missing you girls a lot again.

There are the things we get so used to,
and hope so badly for it not to change,
because one day if it did,
everything is going to feel so strange,
as much as the fear of what lies ahead is growing,
i understand that there are things that are meant to be,
however much i wish it will not come true,
i also succumb to the fact that it is never going to change.

And now for tax and leadership.

2011-10-29T01:22:00.000+08:00

sometimes i can't help but to feel that every assignment completed is like a baby being delivered. the stress, the tension, the expectations and disappointments, the awkward this-is-not-how-we-usually-talk moments, the pressure and encouragement, everything all put into one... until the very moment you put that full stop to end the conclusion, it just feels damn good.

in one of our random conversations my mom actually asked, "who do you like working with most for assignments?" heh is there even an answer to it? there are assignment buddies who make me feel so secured, like i know with him/her nothing will ever go wrong, there are also the ones who amaze me with the way he/she analyses and gives opinions, the ones who are organised and just perfectly organised, the ones who can google better than google itself, the ones who are forever keeping everyone calm... but they're all good. sometimes too good that i know i've not done my part well enough. and i truly believe that apologies are nothing if they don't come with actions. so, yeah.

trust is such an amazing thing. it's like a silent bridge that completes whatever needs to be understood between two different souls...

*whoa never knew blog posts can be justified too. post-assignment-syndrome much!

Be grateful.

2011-10-13T00:33:00.002+08:00

Instead of always hoping for more, thinking that you're disadvantaged, you'll find yourself a lot happier if you're willing to take the time to appreciate and be grateful with what you already have. Today while waiting for my mom after the audit presentation i saw this girl standing by the other pillar, and she was on crutches. not sure why but it didn't look like any leg injury, so i'm guessing it's something she has to live with :( when her car was here, she slowly made her way towards it, down the step and into the car after the driver pushed the door open for her. sigh. i wonder to myself how she would feel. how to not feel sad when her friends can all run and hop around; how to cope with the weird stares she might get; how to not feel bad for troubling people who care for her; how to still stay strong and not give up on her dreams. and then i figured, maybe all it takes is just to be appreciative of what we have. when you think you're lacking something, you're always also having something extra on the other hand...which you might have overlooked.

*

done with two assignments for the semester, four more to go! and i have to say i really enjoyed the process of both the assignments. doesn't really matter that we don't turn out to be the best, we've really tried our best. thank you to all the lovely group members who made the whole thing so much less stressful for me. all the positive energy you gave really means something to everyone in the group.

don't think i'll even remember that i'm actually on a sem break if i don't remind myself so x)

Things we don't see; things we don't say.

2011-10-09T02:16:00.000+08:00

can't believe it rained so heavily out of a sudden! and i really haven't walked in such heavy rain for a long long time already... even with a big umbrellas, half of our body was completely drenched. for a moment it actually felt like we were on some secret mission fighting with the rain that continuously falls on you without mercy. the swimming pool was so flooded, everywhere else was wet we had to go to the gym room (no complaints since it's my first time there! except it's lacking fresh air and there's no way we could see the sky from there) but it's a different feeling altogether to be walking on the treadmill while talking to each other :) then when the heavy rain turned to drizzle, it was so nice to be standing with our feet dipped in the pool, talking under the umbrella. sad for the umbrella that was turned inside out by the strong wind though. still can't stop feeling thankful that the cigar didn't land on us :/ and thank you for dropping me home, sorry for opening your car door again and again there were too many things i wanted to tell you. aah how i wish i have four months of holidays too. then we can look for more meaningful things to do together.

so unconsciously...

To believe.

2011-10-05T02:04:00.002+08:00

The difficult times are just there to remind us how much we should treasure the happy moments.

It's always been much easier accepting than rejecting.

When there's no absolute right or wrong, it's all up to us to make it work.

Am i just really getting too used to it?

Complementary.

2011-10-02T11:05:00.001+08:00

happy old times. seriously, ROFL! xD

it was such a good long conversation with you yesterday:) love it how we both had so much to say we didn't know who to go first, how you were asking me questions that helped me reassured my thoughts, how you could understand what i was feeling, how you could complete my sentence before i even said it...

laughed too hard talking to you, the rest of the day felt so much better.

things we do not know, things we're afraid of knowing, things we can't bring ourselves to do...

i guess we'll just let them be:)

leadership presentation tmr woots! can't wait to get it done!!!!

Like magic :)

2011-09-29T21:42:00.001+08:00

it's amazing how i was just thinking of you yesterday and you appeared today as if you knew i needed to hear from you.

on another note, i really need to do something to get rid of my stoning problem :(

Moving at the speed of light.

2011-09-29T01:45:00.002+08:00

sho sho shoooo shleeepyyyyyy can die x___x

tried to take a nap in the afternoon but failed terribly,

eyes were closed, but the mind just wouldn't stop wandering around...

from IM SAQs to leadership assignment, audit assignment, to assignment grouping to the undone audit tutorial,

and then i just decided to get up and not nap anymore -_-

was thinking about everything at once and all of a sudden,

i realised it was only making the already difficult tasks seem unachievable :'(

an act that yields such low utility = not worth it at all.

*rubseyesandwakesuptoreality*

actually,

it isn't that bad after all.
thankful to the very positively-inclined friends around me and daddy who's so caring.

:)
cheer up pls!!

'Cause everything is never as it seems

2011-09-27T01:24:00.003+08:00

it feels so nice to be listening to the sound of the raindrops falling,

especially like this...at night when it's all quiet,

then the rain slowly gets lighter, the sound gets softer and softer,

until the sound of stress from within becomes all is left to be heard.

sometimes i find it funny how i can so easily tell the people around me not to stress,
things will turn out just fine,
it's all up to how you see things,
and whether you believe in yourself or not,
but when i turn to myself,
all this stressful feelings are only making me feel depressed.
easier said then done.

sorry for making you look so sad also bloggy,
but you always make me feel better after writing them out.

i will try!

In a week's time...

2011-09-26T00:10:00.000+08:00

leadership assignment's going to be due for submission. and soon after, it'll be audit's turn. then, it's the mid-sem break already O_O omgosh i can't believe how the days just went by like i didn't even live through them enough. whatever happened to no more doing work last minute! sighh feel like slapping myself. and the unmet deadlines for leadership assignment are making me feel terrible. :( so many things running on my mind now...but to most of them i've got no clear answer to it. i know i don't want it that way, but i just can't figure a good way to not let it happen. :( sobs. things can get pretty demotivating when i start thinking about all the bad parts of it. it's just wrong to let them blind myself from seeing the happy things around. so... :) :) i would rather choose to believe that nothing is impossible, as long as we don't lose faith.

3 amazing words.

2011-09-23T01:06:00.000+08:00

three simple words like these can mean so much more than it seems.

it is with love,

the world becomes a happier place for everyone :)

Where there's a will there's a way

2011-09-20T23:52:00.000+08:00

like how the elephants are cheering each other up :D

felt like bob the builder when i was installing the printer this afternoon,

but YAY mission accomplished!

and my favourite part of all is...

(y)

*
(sis halfway studying chemistry) "ming, without technology, the world would be much bigger..."
"huh? why?? technology takes up all the space?"
"you know, globalisation makes the world smaller..we can easily reach other parts of the world, so without technology the world would seem much bigger."

never heard of anything like this before Lol!
and you're saying i have funny thinking :P
your thinking also very funny okay! :P :P

*
it's not about how quickly you can get it done,

getting it right matters most :)

I guess i'll never know

2011-09-19T23:57:00.000+08:00

i still strongly believe that everything happens for a reason,

nobody would do anything out of nothingness.

just tell me you've been truthful all along,

i can really accept anything.

you took my emotions on a roller coaster ride

like nobody has ever did before,

but it feels like a roller coaster running without a track.

on a brighter note,

sister's so cute, she bought me a blue and purple pen cause i said her pen's very nice to use :3

thank youuu la! a lot of sayangggg:):)

extra good luck for your trials tomorrow! physics and bio paper 3! woosh!:D

just received a text from candy which was supposed to be for heri,

and the last time we all received heri's text which was meant for candy.

gonna miss working with these lovely people :)

It could have been avoided.

2011-09-18T20:16:00.002+08:00

if we were both able to give in a little and take a step back,

it definitely wouldn't end up the same way it did.

best part about it is that in barely 3 hours' time,

he would come back to me to borrow a pen,

and show me the shirts he just bought,

like it never happened before :)

siblings fight ftw.

i'm sorry gorgor!:(

and to my dearest most outstanding pei ying,

do take care and have a safe flight.

"When we meet 2 years later..."

so much would have changed! i cannot imagine :(

huei-wen might very well be somewhere at the other end of the world already,

we would have graduated,

our sisters no longer in bu4,

we should be able to drive by then (i hope! lol!),

maybe taller?

and hmm...i do not know.

2 years...

is just too long.

and this was one year ago, breakfast after a sleepover at hw's place :')

before you all started flying here and there.

time really flies.

Just do it!

2011-09-17T23:57:00.003+08:00

to me, everyday is filled with surprises.

when things go according to plan, it's a surprise;

when things don't go according to plan, it's a different kinda surprise altogether.

be it pleasant surprises or the opposite,

they're what keep me looking forward to the next day.

gifts from wedding dinner never fail to amuse me :D

eeeeh really need to be more decisive!

little things can take me one entire day to decide -_-

just follow what the heart says,

you can never be wronggg :P

Time together isn't ever quite enough

2011-09-16T23:58:00.000+08:00

hehehe tax assignment looks so easy peasy lemon squeezy! :D

can laugh at troubles one meh? wuwu.

and so...summer has come to an end,

byebye to the one who's been busy releasing refugees :'(

so glad i still made it in time to give you a call.

definitely gonna miss spending time with you again.

"aiyo. boleh one la.."

hope you're enjoying your longgg flight :)

this little creature on my sis's laptop. so cute! but it's getting flatter day by day xD

life is unpredictable. give it your fullest in everything.

The truth behind it all.

2011-09-15T23:54:00.000+08:00

there are things no matter how hard i tried,

i can never seem to see through them,

can't tell what they really are,

can't decipher why.

and the little things come and go,

just enough to remind me that i am actually still puzzled.

i guess time will tell.

super nice when it's pitch black all around, and all you can see is them...

glowing tirelessly :)

Contentment.

2011-09-14T23:57:00.000+08:00

yeaah, like appreciate everything and everyone that's around us while we still can.

still amused by what my sister did xD

instead of "transistors amplify magnitude",

she wrote "transistors magnify amplitude".

too good a mistake.
LOL!

Is this really what we want?

2011-09-13T23:30:00.000+08:00

the conversation went something like this...

"go become VP Finance, i work under you"

"but i don't like to deal with money"

"err..then why are you in this course?"

good question.

in the very first place, i actually convinced myself into doing accounting and finance, neither because i love auditing financial statements nor keeping track of the stock market. i took such a long time before deciding taking this course. i kept thinking we only get to live once and this is it. whatever you choose, you'll have to live with it the rest of your life. one of the reasons that paved my way into this course actually came from what i fantasise about. i have this voice inside that tells me, i can become an accountant/work in a bank/whatever with my professional qualifications, and at the same time, still live my dreams. i dream of this one day when i can actually set up a charity that helps to somehow spread the joy we have to those who are less fortunate, so we can all be happy together. what's the point of being so super successful and all when you look out of the window to see that there are people around you who could have been better off if you're willing to offer that little bit of help. it's so weird, i'm choosing accounting and finance only because i believe i can still have the time to go after what i really want to see myself doing in life. not because i love accounts. is this right?

coming back to reality, nobody knows what's gonna happen in the future... we'll just really need to have faith in ourselves and believe in what we want to do.

sheepy's gonna fight through BAF with me! rawr.
thank you ♥celine and ♥hui yii :)

Seriously?

2011-09-12T23:42:00.005+08:00

that's if we're actually given the opportunity to experience it twice.

sometimes even though doing the same thing, it just might not feel the same anymore.

so sad the moon seems to be celebrating this mooncake festival all by itself,

neighbour who used to have bbq and light up many many lanterns decided to just stay in,

can't feel that sense of festivity anymore other than the very commercialised mooncakes.

miss the fish and dragon lanterns we used to have,

last year my sister and i still made it a point to play with the candles,

this year we only watched the moon :)

just when we've decided to go all out to gain the team's trust,

things happen.

"Everyday passes so fast for me now, it's like i dun even have time to pause and think for a while..."
you always appear at the rightest time.

THE JAR! XD

2011-09-11T23:36:00.003+08:00

and i realised it's when i became willing to step out of my own comfort zone, i surprise myself with the things i never knew i could do. then there's this very satisfying feeling that comes by as a reward for all the extra effort put in. which makes everything worth it after all.

it's only the beginning of week 4. i don't know if it's the extra pressure that i'm giving myself OR everything in this semester is really tougher. well, maybe it's a combination of both.

harhar i think i'll be turning into an antisocial freak soon. rejected two outings this weekend with a heavy heart. sometimes i really hope you can understand. remember the last time you told me we still haven't met up cause i spend too much time with huei-wen they all. ouch T.T plus the deactivated facebook account, i really miss dropping random posts on your walls, and then waiting eagerly for the notification to show that there's a reply. ah well, sms is fine too.

just this afternoon in the study room, my stressed up (from revising her chemistry) sister and myself went crazy over THE JAAAR! XD

"eeeeh chemistry so sien leh"

"ooooh...look what i've found"

"it's THE JAR!!!" :D

"raawr, my favourite JAR!!"

"what am i gonna do without you, JAR...."

"teehee, i gots thee JAR!"

*stoning with THE JAR!* -_-

then she walked pass my table and totally camouflaged with my files!! so she was asked to pose with the files xD but she looked too much like she was posing, i told her to be more natural. she said "how to be natural with the two files?!!" xD and it became pretty chaotic until my whole stack of FM notes slipped out from the file tsk tsk. but i still lover her so much la. especially our telepathy-ness! (Y)

The End! :P

Decisions.

2011-09-11T00:08:00.001+08:00

been thinking about it for a while...

this morning i thought i've finally found the answer,

but right now i feel uncertain about the decision made earlier.

got to be more firm with whatever i've decided on.

and most importantly,

have no regrets for the very decision made!

There is something special in everyone.

2011-09-09T22:36:00.002+08:00

and everyone's special in their own way,

which makes every friend so unique,

so irreplaceable.

so much in my mind,

yet so hard to put them in words.

To be a happily stressed up person.

2011-09-08T23:34:00.004+08:00

i always think that friends are like gifts for us to treasure and keep,

at times they can be rather fragile,

afraid of signs that we're drifting apart...

...but i believe as long as we're truthful to each other,

things will never go wrong.

and in case you didn't realise,

you've been a really great friend to me too,

i can never ask for more.

words like these, you wouldn't tell me face to face,

but when i heard it from her today,

i was smiling on the inside on my way back to Audi 7.

certain things that have already happened can never be erased from our memories,

but let's move on and look forward to the better things alright :)

after all, you are still who you are,

nothing has changed.

and it's okay if you're stressed up,

because i know it's really not an easy journey,

but promise me you'll be happy from the bottom of your heart.

finally met up with qing xian for lunch the first time since she came to Monash.

if there's ever a most-bubbly-person award,

i'll definitely nominate her!

it's unavoidable that everyone gets their down times,

but with friends,

it makes it all seems easier.

*i miss sexay beaann!

Positive thinking really does wonders.

2011-09-07T22:51:00.001+08:00

when we find that things are no longer going the right way,

do something about it before we start feeling lost.

today during lunch, i was telling su ann the rice tasted nicer than the first time i tried it.

she told me because she's there xD

and then she mentioned what we taste can actually be affected by our mood.

i agree with that.

i think it holds true in many other different circumstances too.

basically, when we're in a good mood,

everything else feels equally good too.

avoiding something that you should be facing

is almost similar to leaving the situation on auto-pilot mode.

something you once held onto so tightly,

how did you just let go of everything so swiftly,

as if you were never once part of it?

with time,

we'll leave it all behind,

but it'll only be like memories kept in box with a missing lid.

on an unrelated note,

i actually really cannot not sayang you :)

for every action we take, there is a consequence to bear.

2011-09-06T22:48:00.003+08:00

:)
this
ain't
easy.

there are times we want to make our lives more pleasant too,
but to achieve that,
we tend to lose sight of the other things around us.

by the time we realise,
it might be all too late already.

it didn't have to end that way.

Running out of happy thoughts.

2011-09-05T21:09:00.001+08:00

when i opened this strip of paper before i went to bed early this morning, i thought to myself that today's gonna be a good day.

comp lab looked so different this morning compared to the last time i was there. so packed with people. then i bumped into yee wei who wanted to print her tax notes too so we printed it together. and she asked, "siewming, have you applied for your continuing scholarship?" that question really stunned me for a while. until after i recollected my scattered thoughts, i told her frankly that i'm not even confident that i can make it. but i'll try.

i really really really x101 hope that it is still possible. so many assignments this semester, the grouping matter itself is already causing enough trouble. as if we can balance the group members like how we balance our accounts right. and i remember reading it so clearly didn't you see it? i would have been able to accept everything in a much better way if it was brought up before i had the extra time to start imagining how we would make a great combination in completing those two assignments, especially IM T_T can we really do it with a missing member? and at a lot of points i felt i was being really sucky, so selfish and annoying only thinking about securing my scholarship. but it's not as simple as just a scholarship. it's somehow evolved into this little promise i really want to keep so that i can have the confidence i've always given my parents again. omgosh it's so terrible i never want another D ever again T_T just can't help but to feel worried. at least we're finally settled with all the groups. enough chaos caused. although i still can't read through your mind, but i feel it must have been a really tough decision for you to make. those words you said in front of that money eating machine today, they were so good to hear, really.

already enough negativity for today....but on the way home, mom and i got stuck in the most terrible jam ever. like the car was literally stationary at around taman megah. only police truck/cars/bikes zooming past the insanely long line of cars. we were both so curious what happened, until we could finally see some police bikes, then the truck, followed by a couple of police cars and a group of guys standing by the road side with their hands on top of their heads, like they were under arrest. and there was the black sheet covering a guy who was lying on the floor that is stained red with blood. OMGOSH T_________T i do not know what happened. but i felt all uneasy after seeing it x_x

tell me how am i to think happy thoughts? :(

Do we really dream of what we think of in the day?

2011-09-04T14:49:00.004+08:00

i was just hoping i could dream of the answer to this little question...ended up dreaming about jy's new house (which looked very similar to tse wei's neighbour's house!) with my cousin and his wife + baby staying there as if he was jy's brother. LOL, no comment.

so my advice for yesterday was....

so true. how are we going to know what's ahead for us if we never take the effort to walk through the whole road to check out what's in for us at the corner? even if it means something bad, at least we know we should never take that same road again if we're given a choice.

i guess i know where i want to go this time. :)

and this morning i wanted to wake up early but sister took the alarm, so i left her a note to remind her to wake me up. (she wakes up at 5am to study for trials o_o i am actually feeling worried for her)

but this morning when i saw the paper on my table, it has got extra doodles! and they're sooo cute xD

the depressed fella =(

and then the happy fella =)

always looove my brother's drawings :D

and i got this one for today!

jer venn's birthday party tonight? :)

btw ouuuuuch, i was hanging the clothes for drying..and when i took a step back, i felt something bouncy....T_T Ador's toes!!!!! he's always so quiet i don't even know when he's sniffing around next to my feet. poor bunny. sorry!! then after that he took down a whole sheet of newspaper from the oldnewspaper stack....as if he could read xD made all of us laugh so much, cuuuuute bunneh! ^^

Always expect wonderful things to happen.

2011-09-02T23:58:00.007+08:00

i told myself i can only pick one advice a day. but i really couldn't wait till i get the next piece of advice... so yesterday night i waited till it's past 12am then quickly opened the bottle to pick one :P and ta-daa! and so i went to Uni this morning expecting all the most wonderful things to happen. as i wished and hoped, the day turned out pretty good :)

wonderful thing #1
reached Uni rather early today, cause most of the people are still at their respective kampungs (my mom was so happy that she didn't have to jam her way home!) and i promised to help su ann print her notes cause her printer emo, but so coincidentally my printer ink emo also yesterday night. until last night before sleeping i was so worried that the library's printer might be out of order again, then i'm doomed.

but wooh, i printed the notes at the comp lab this morning! and it was such a fun process don't ask me why :P

wonderful thing #2
initial plan was to celebrate steven and zhi sum's birthday at around 1.30pm after their group's discussion. so heyherng purposely made her group discussion earlier to accommodate. plus celine and hui yii who'll be joining too. last minute before audit lecture started, found out su ann wouldn't be able to make it back in time, but she told us to go ahead. i was quite sad la then, cause i really hoped she could be there (sorryyy♥) out of desperation, i texted denesh who was sitting the row in front, but he gave that equally dunno-what-to-do-now reply. so for one moment mr stanley was just talking but my brain really couldn't absorb anything. until after sms-ing hui yii, i don't know..talking to her makes the world goes round. figured out a new plan! with the risk that we might take up steven's group discussion time. but we really didn't know what else to do! something not-so-wonderful -.- i totally didn't think they would be sitting at the foyer!! stood behind the pillar in the middle of nowhere for some time till heyherng came to rescue me Lol.

but....in the end, celine and hui yii managed to join us in time, su ann came back just in time too, the lighter didn't fail on us, the candles were durable enough for zhi sum to have his blow candles moment too, we had enough tissue for the cake, took pictures with hui yii's awesome polaroid, and we were not late for class.

just wanna say, wonderful things do happen. don't give up on them! :)

Develop love where hate has been.

2011-09-01T22:38:00.000+08:00

have been trying to understand that little piece of advice ever since i opened it this evening. then dorie came chatting with me and she instantly made me understand it, unfortunately in the reverse way! there's been so many instances where people can develop hate where very strong love has been. or maybe it's not exactly hate hate, but to hate so that it makes it easier for them to forget about the love that once existed.

let's just not hate anyone at all in the first place so we'll never have to find an explanation to this "develop love where hate has been" statement *living in denial* :P

but thank you jyy yee so much for purposely dropping by to pass this to me :) gonna be thinking about you a lot for the coming 100 days heh.

No one is indispensable.

2011-08-28T15:23:00.002+08:00

had one of our longest sife meetings ever yesterday. including monopoly deal sessions + video for nabilah with the talking tissue! it's so weird to be speaking in front of the camera, couldn't have done it without the talking tissue. first time meeting our vice secretary, Esther. and you know some people just give you that very positive feeling. yeah she looked so awake and alert. since meeting ended pretty late and everyone else in the house who can drive wanted to sleep already, i told qing xian i couldn't make it anymore. somehow could tell she didn't sound as happy anymore, then she offered that she could send me home.

(note to self: faster renew licence and start to practise driving again!)

so i still went in the end and we had such a good time together:):):) i always love the very mild wind and quietness by the pool while waiting for her to come down from her condo, can totally help to throw all the worries and stress behind. and xiannn, thank you so much for the solo birthday celebration. but our failed lighter skills uuugh, took sooo long before the tiny spark finally turned into a burst of flame xD and we just continued talking all night under the moonlight by the pool ♥

won't see it coming when it happens...

2011-08-27T01:16:00.004+08:00

received a library notice today, and before i was able to click in, i kept wondering "did i not return any books?" until the page finally loaded, showing "hold pickup notice" for the book "strategies for e-business" -_- and my heart kinda sank a little again. shucks.

and also just received heri's message saying he'll be recording a 5 minutes farewell message from each of us for nabilah. :( got to admit i'm not the best person when it comes to dealing with farewells/goodbyes, they're just way too saddening :( it somehow feels like we're missing the final part of working as a team - to perfect things together after learning from each other and improve on what we've been ignorant about previously. aah what am i to say in that 5 minutes.

...but when it happens we're gonna feel it.

i miss the sky in Lancaster.

2011-08-26T01:36:00.005+08:00

i really still do. today when we were on the way to peppercorn after badminton i tried looking out the car window for some beautiful sky, and it just reminded me again that the sky here isn't that interesting to look at. now i'm really curious if the sky here once looked as amazing as the one in Lancaster? after all it's the same mother earth we're in right. whatever happened.

it's been four days into semester six now, tomorrow will be the fifth. the first week is not even over and there are already so many things going on. at one point i would feel so selfish when all i can see is to get good grades because i dyingly need it for this semester. other time, i would tell myself that getting good grades doesn't mean i need to be selfish, there are better ways to work things out. after a long time of pondering over those thoughts, i still couldn't seem to get a clear conclusion. what you're telling me is one thing, what you'll really do is another. what i speak of sincerely is one thing, what i really want is another. what i expect is one thing, what actually happens will be another. just simply don't want to betray my own feelings.

some things started off so well, you get so attached to it you don't even feel like leaving it behind. but what if you have no choice but to put it aside because there is something else which is of higher priority? some people don't even bother about how we feel, then why do we even care in return? sometimes there are things we know very well, but it instantly becomes impossible when we need to voice it out.

the other day when we were in the car daddy was asking me how i want to celebrate my birthday? in my heart i felt like telling him i don't deserve one. i don't know when i can completely walk out of the shadow of that awful D :(

*gonna keep this here ♥ thank you for being the awesome one in my life huei-wen :') all the time.

2011-08-24T01:24:00.001+08:00

today's so much better.

and for everything you do, just give it your best.

2011-08-22T02:49:00.004+08:00

first day of what i presume to be the most different semester for me ever. and also my birthday. so overwhelmed with emotions tonight. chatting with heri and candy made me feel all energised again, like it's NOT impossible. just really got to do my best, so even if it doesn't turn out like what i expect it to be, there will be no regrets. and by doing my best, it means to aim for perfection all the time. in assignments, exams and every part of the course. the fact that i will not be last minute still hasn't really set in. but i know i really need to use a different studying approach or i'm gonna end up at the same sad place. sometimes i wonder if it's fate or what, for me to pick SIFE among all the clubs and societies, such that i'm given the chance to get to know some of the really awesome people. it was that one time i was actually really serious and determined about joining a club, remember myself registering at the booth alone (i usually wait for my friends, if they join i'll join, or else, forget about it). i'm glad that one time i made that decision to actually go sign up for it. and just now when i received a birthday message from nabilah, i can't believe it made me cry (been crying too easily lately eesh) it was such a simple message, but when i read it, it seems to contain a lot more than just the words that are showing. what a strange feeling. everything's been a lil crazy these days.

and so i was really hoping my dad wouldn't get angry with my lousy results. but when i saw his face that looked slightly disappointed, all he said was to hope that i really try my best this sem. it's like instead of scolding me, he continues to trust and put more hope in me. which is what makes me feel really really bad.

let's turn this terrible feeling into something useful...extra motivation, extra determination, and extra of all the better things!

...but somehow somewhere somewhat, i'm really scared. :'(

worse than a nightmare because it's for real.

2011-08-20T21:05:00.000+08:00

to expect it being bad is one thing, to actually see how bad it really is..is a different thing. still traumatised since i logged out of izone yesterday morning :'( feeling so lost now, one side of me is telling myself that it's all gonna be okay if i work extra hard for the coming semester; the other side of me is blaming myself so much for not working hard enough last sem and seriously doubting whether it's even possible to still maintain 70% or not. this terrible feeling makes me feel like digging a hole and hiding in it. but that's not right. i was so afraid to tell daddy that i wrote him a letter last night, and i kinda refused to wake up this morning, too afraid to see his reaction towards it :( so i woke up only after they left house. till now i don't really know what he thinks about it. sister told me he mumbled some words..but wasn't mad or what. i'm just scared :( :( the disappointment. the everything. uuugh:( shucks.

Week 3 of the summer programme

2011-08-09T09:49:00.004+08:00

it's really fast.

first day we were here it felt like we were going to be staying here forever.

second week we began to feel after all 3 weeks isn't going to be very long.

now finally coming to the third and also final week, the days left feel like it's never going to be enough. the saddest part of everything is always when you're starting to get so used to what you're doing, it's almost becoming a routine. so used to seeing the same few faces, laughter, eating the same breakfast over and over again, worrying about not being able to wake up in the morning even with Losh's morning call, hoping that the umbrella wouldn't continue to break in the strong wind, trying our best to stay awake in lectures, to leave a good impression, to learn how people from various backgrounds see things from different perspectives, to get to know your existing & new friends better, to hope that this trip would be one that is truly worthwhile.

and just as i deeply indulge myself in every single bit of it, i also realised that we're coming to and end.

library event today was so much fun!

other than the fact that Joe was in charge of the event, the crazier part was to see how the kids get super excited over just a paper plane. the story we prepared earlier (Journey to the West) didn't even matter much anymore, hand printing definitely won the kids' hearts for our group.

Sky (i still really really love her name; cause did i mention the SKY in Lancaster is superbly beautiful nothing can beat its beauty) and her brother Paul looked so happy painting their palms with all kinds of colours then printing them onto the paper with our stories written on. HB's beautiful drawing of the shun mm hong, zhu bat gai, sha zang and the sifu were all covered with their hand prints.

and the strange thing is you don't even feel angry with what they just did - wasting your hard drawing effort by just covering the whole palm onto it - because when you look at those genuine smiles on their faces, and how they reach out for your palm to give you a high 5, messily staining your palm with paint too, everything that's left in your mind is only that SMILE. *btw, their youngest brother, Sam is suuuuuuuuuuper cute! *faints*

then there was this girl Kristy and her brother who came back and said "thank you" to me after i wrote her name on the cloth bag for her. which was soooo cute! and automatically i think i mouthed the most sincere "you're welcome" ever.

Gem who moved from Canada was a lil quiet though. he just sat there and made his bookmarks for his 7 siblings apparently! but he's so cute too, can tell that he's a very creative person.

omgosh i'm really sleepy already. end of post. please tomorrow be a better day! :)

2011-07-18T01:38:00.002+08:00

expectations. plans. dreams. focus. doubts. fear. motivation. reluctance. looking forward.

i still find it pretty amazing how candy texted me the exact same time i texted her yesterday. and we both replied with the word "telepathy!". what are the chances of that happening. another difference by a second or two, and it wouldn't turn out so freakishly telepathic anymore.

sis: (while looking at the calender) "ming,when will you be coming back from your trip again?"
me: "14th august"
sis: "oh.."
*a short pause*
sis: "you know sometimes it feels really good to have something to look forward to.."
me: "are you looking forward to my non-existence for 3weeks???:("
sis: (gave me that retarded smile)

and hey herng, you called at the most most most rightest time ever just now. i was actually so super panicky suddenly, was trying to listen to songs and count the time i've left to calm myself. but none of that worked -.-

company law, haaaaaaaaai~~~ :P

Sister chromatids ♥

2011-07-15T23:48:00.010+08:00

i don't know if it's just me or what but i really feel the stress building from one semester to the next. i don't remember having to sacrifice an entire night's sleep just to complete an assignment, but in this sem almost all of us experienced that. sad thing is the outcome after all the hard work and not sleeping, don't always turn out to be very pleasing.

and now that i'm done with two out of three of the papers, i actually really really A THOUSAND REALLY feel like resitting for my strategy paper if i could. my fault for spending too much time on the case study questions that i got so super panicky towards the end when i only had around 10minutes for each 20marks question. in my mind i was really like, "omgosh i've got to write 2marks worth of answer in every one minute." AND i can't even afford to pause for any second...2marks in 1minute is just beyond the limit already. talking about that paper still gives me creeps, not too fun.

FA today wasn't too bad, wasn't too good either. haha you get what i mean. my accounts NEVER balance anyways, so i actually surprised myself, happy until smile to myself halfway doing exam cause Paul & Barry's statement of financial position actually BALANCE! best thing today wei!

i hope this is actually a good thing, i kinda find myself embracing the stress level more and more O_O like at one point of course i'll feel soooo stressed up and feel like complaining. but one thing when i'm in this super stressed up condition, every little sms/call/wall post really motivates me a lot. it's a very special feeling..i don't even know how to put them in words. just something that makes you feel so aaaw, that you have got to love them more for it to make sense.

funny thing is my sister tends to be nicer to me when she knows i'm stressed up too. haha so cute la she! as much as she keeps me alive struggling with the books, she also takes up a lot of my study time! so yesterday when i was still a bit chilling reading FRS137 provisions, contingent liabilities and contingent assets...she handed me a paper with one unicorn on it. then i started laughing at it cause it's too funneh-looking! the horn looks more like a party hat! and the legs are just soooo short and tiny.

a very retarded-looking unicorn. she calls it Mr. Unicorn.

then there was diversification in the unicorn species, she started giving me tiny Mr. Pegasus, not-so-tiny Mr. Pegasus and all sorts xD okay, i would blame myself for being easily attracted to her retarded drawings too. but so funnnyyyyy!

and when i attempted to imitate her Mr. Unicorn, i drew the horn overly large...(that it really looks like a party hat now -.-)...and i forgot about the HAIR! hahahaha botak Mr. Unicorn!

can you imagine? laughing away at her Unicorns and Pegasuses also took up the time to study for a quarter of the chapter already!!

and so....only until this morning 2.30am i found out the existence of appropriation account, capital accounts and current accounts in the financial statements of a partnership (first time revising for that chapter -.- failllll). but then i was already soooo sleepy at 2.30am...that my head was slightly spinning, i would probably hallucinate an extra partner for the business if i continued -____- so i went to sleep and set TWO alarms (clock and phone!) to make sure that i die die also will wake up at 4.15am to continue digesting partnership. JUST IN TIME. toyota ftw!

but yeah, i almost couldn't walk straight in the morning when i reached Uni hehehe, serve me right!!

**

too many things lately, feel like writing all of 'em down here. if time allows.

ohya the night after business strategy paper, sis and i had such a turbulent time (emotionally) before we fell asleep. can't believe both of us teared (faillll again) but we laughed so much at each other after that. and that's how we promised to be sister chromatids for life.. seriously, i wouldn't wanna replace her with any other sister:)

***

and i'm just getting really excited about Chartis Special Competition! not forgetting SIFE Nationalssss also!!! and and and LUSU trip too!!! and the thought that i can finally see all my buddies again after exams just makes me wanna smile from the bottom of my heart...:):):) you know when you girls asked if you could crash my house, my heart was secretly screaming OHYES PLEASE DO! but the rational side of the brain took over and said NO! STUDY STRATEGY! so yea :/

that day was so weird..i actually looked out from the window of my parents' room to see this white myvi (which usually won't be there since my neighbour doesn't own any) but it didn't cross my mind that it was anyone or could be anyone. surprise to the max when you said you were outside my house jy! <3 and ahpek tea session at bitty's felt so relaxing...

can't believe i just missed sexy aura's birthday party eeesh FAILLLL!

****woooh, such a long post! o.o

last thing here!
mom, dad, you guys cannot imagine how much i love you. for always having faith in me, believing in me. the trust between us is priceless. and i appreciate that a whole lot! can't ask for anything better. YAY to one big happy family :D :D :D :D :D :D

2011-07-09T01:18:00.001+08:00

why must you always do this to yourself! study so last minute and feel panic when you're supposed to feel ready?!

*smacks self* :(

:)

2011-07-05T01:17:00.000+08:00

such a great great news today! Chartis Special Competition postponed to FURTHER NOTICE! means it's not gonna be on the 9th of July anymore! i won't have to risk myself being trapped somewhere and i have more time to prepare for strategy/FA! :D

i almost jumped off my chair when i heard it. seriouszzzz.

exams...exams...they're such a torture...

Six random thoughts :)

2011-07-02T02:33:00.004+08:00

MM! teehee.

Show encrypted text

of badminton, pasar malam and lots of mouth exercise!

2011-07-02T00:31:00.003+08:00

listening to the sound of the water gushing towards the sides of the swimming pool over and over really helps to relieve all the tired feeling on a Thursday evening. you close your eyes and slowly take a deep breathe as the wind blows, clear all your thoughts and worries, forget about FA strategy or company law. for that moment i felt like the most chillax person on earth.

had the funniest double versus triple-mixed badminton game ever. then we had a serious dilemma over where to have dinner since we didn't have transport to drive out. but in the end qing xian's parents were so niceee to say they can drop us back again, but qing xian's innocent brother had to sacrifice his chance to buy books. omgosh when he said he was 15 and taking PMR this year, it made me feel so WOW like i am actually 20 and SO far away from my PMR year already.

but i was just really really happy yesterday night. didn't even feel guilty for going out cause i think if i didn't i would only stress myself out more :)

ah xian and huei-wen! love them girls to bitssss.

qing xian's photography theory: no second time, no deleting.

and a friend just reminded me that i actually have less than two weeks before my first paper already. need to start to really hardcore. good thing is i'm quite happy with this sem's subjects except the calculation part in FA! love those theory and writing questions :)

Chartis special competition on the 9th D: bersih day wei, gonna wish myself luck.

aaaah i want A's!!!! STUDY HARD!! :P

if there's ever anything you feel like saying or doing, you gotta do it! at a different time, you just might not feel the same anymore.

forever friends, not forever alone.

2011-06-30T01:37:00.002+08:00

"We cannot measure friendship

in dollars, time or weight.

We cannot see it coming,

that part is left to fate.

But once we know

the blessings that come

with one good friend,

we know the joy and gladness

of friendship without end."

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

enough said :)

I'm a B+ve :)

2011-06-29T00:41:00.003+08:00

results for my blood test is finally out! was hoping that i could be an AB since my dad is one, but it didn't come true.

one evening when i was chatting with my brother over msn, trying to find a day where all six of us will be at home so we could go have a good father's day celebration... and i realised it's so difficult now to find that very day.

i missed those times when i would go to bed the same time as my sisters then we would talk and laugh all the way until somehow my elder sis is always the one who falls asleep first. then my lil sis and i will naughtily wanna wake her up again by pushing her or tickling her or taking her blanket off her *evil thoughts...*

nowadays i find myself being glued to the computer most of the time, when i'm home and not studying or what, i'll be facing the computer. there are times my younger sis would walk up to me and say "i know you don't like me already, always never listen to my stories." then i'll give her a hug and ask her if she's got any interesting stories to tell me. i know she's just saying. but sometimes i really think i used to be a better sister.

how will our lives be like without a computer or a laptop? without all the complicated high-tech gadgets...

western hypnotising?

2011-06-26T23:41:00.001+08:00

all this while i thought if you wanna test for ONLY your blood type, the doctors will ONLY prick your finger for few drops of blood.

until today when i stepped into the doctor's room and saw all the scary looking needles and tubes on his table. i even told him to make sure that he knows i ONLY need to test for my blood type (because one of the LUSU forms requires that info), and he reassured me that yes, it's not just pricking finger.

i think he could somehow see that i was really scared so he told me to put both my arms on the table, and he put his palm slightly above mine and moved in circular motion. asked me if i felt the heat. yes. then he did something with my finger and asked if i felt numb. not really. then i was supposed to transfer that numbness to the part where he's going to inject the needle. he even pinched both sides of my arm and asked me if i felt less painful on one side. err, not really actually xD

at the end of everything he told me he did the western hypnotising with me so i won't feel so pain. i'm not sure if it's plain psychological effect or it really worked. but it wasn't as painful as i thought la. almost didn't feel anything. only until after i left the room, it began to get slightly painful.

am actually proud that i finally did my first blood test ever in my life. from now onwards i shan't make any big reaction when people talk about blood test anymore.

but uugh headache @@ could it be the effect of losing blood? haha.

and it's overrrr! :D

2011-06-24T15:04:00.000+08:00

it's like some blockage in the brain has just been removed for good! feels so much more alive now :D didn't expect the change to be so big, finally can have time to look at other stuff. been going through the same routine of reach home, on laptop, open journals, type type type...now i suddenly need to think of what i want to do. just really glad everything went well. even the errors that took away my sleep last night are now gone! doubly yippay:):)

okay shall leave the library now:)

ECO-SOAP tomorrow woohoo! :)

can't believe it's gonna be over sooooon!

2011-06-24T02:33:00.005+08:00

flipping through the hardcopy version of the research paper definitely felt very good. despite the error with the "error" symbol in the equation...still feels good. but eeeeks while doing the slides just realised some little mistakes. even when i was checking through this morning, my head felt like it was on a merry-go-round, didn't notice those errors at all.

very disappointed in myself for finishing my part so late that i couldn't really help with the other parts until last minute. you said it's okay, i feel there's something really wrong with myself. feel extremely sorry to my group members but can't seem to be able to tell them how sorry i really feel. never felt so pressured in any of the assignments before.

speaking of which, i think sometimes i'm too particular about certain things. an example would be to arrange all the stationery in one direction in my pencil case, weird habit i have since dunno when.

mygosh, VIVA tomorrow, dear panel pretty please be nice to us :) :)

good luck to all of us tomorrow!

research methods = instant depressant

2011-06-23T04:09:00.005+08:00

felt so dead, still feeling dead now, shall not be feeling dead anymore tomorrow.

aaawhman nabilah's email almost made me tear. even when i was in the midst of dying for research methods.

and honestly, at one point just now i completely thought you were my sister sitting beside me. hope my sister's place made a cosy study spot for you huei-wen :):)

words spoken can never be taken back, i need to constantly remind myself not to be emo...no emo.. emo shoo..byee emo. i don't mind eLmo though! Cali!

sometimes i just really don't understand, so hard to grasp.. and the emotional side of me is slowly creeeping in.

hualala my sister thinks i've gone crazy xD

2011-06-21T23:25:00.003+08:00

and that's exactly what me thinks too actually :P

no thanks to research methods. journals over journals, what makes it worse they're all so dull i feel like closing the pdf file the moment i open it. the pain in researching on a topic not of your interest. because really, research is all about the urge to FIND OUT about something you're dying to know. that gives you all the drive, inside out. but i'm here doing a research for the sake of my marks and viva. i'm actually looking forward to viva cause i guess it's gonna be more lively. and at least when i get nervous i won't feel sleepy like now x)

i would rather write an essay of five thousand words that doesn't require me to cite anyone or any journals (just saying!). hate citations. but no, i gotta love it <3

at such a depressing point of time, ah xian's message is totally making me feel recharged. aaah much love.

oookays, back to literature review! :) :) :)

sometimes it's really just the mindset playing the trick

2011-06-20T21:46:00.001+08:00

Emo-ness doesn't help you to get things done.
Life is about what you can achieve in the future, not what you couldn't achieve in the past. Goals are set as a motivator (to keep you go on without giving up), not de-motivator (not to make you emo for not achieving it). Winners keep trying.
You know what you want and you know you can achieve it! Always believe in yourself. Get the picture?

"It takes FAITH to start, but it takes PERSEVERANCE and DISCIPLINE to finish it" - quoted from Ken

what a pleasant surprise. so many things running through my mind this entire day. and just one thing i discovered about myself - when i get unusually high, it doesn't mean i'm perfectly fine. it only means i'm in need of that split second of craziness to shadow over the frustration going on inside.

okay shush, no more complaints, no more avoiding! *knock knock* whatever happened to the old nothing-in the-world-can-go-wrong you, siew ming?

the change

2011-06-18T02:36:00.002+08:00

from the previous days of talking about plans for my sister's birthday and also the coming father's day, mom & dad have been talking about alarms, locks and gates over dinner these two days. phobia much.

and i really can't wait till 23rd June.

feels so tired already. there's still so much to catch up with for FA because i am really lost with all the chapters other than those included in mid-term test. but all that can only come after research methods. terribly deprived of sleep.

prevention is better than cure

2011-06-17T02:35:00.003+08:00

because it has happened and we're all fearful now. i came home this evening to find extra padlock loops on the door. it's like the door had just undergone a stage of mitosis..that it grew extra loops out of it o.O good job to the welding guys! mommy even made tea for them so sweet :)

assignments after assignments after assignments, now i would say an easy assignment topic doesn't make it a great one, sometimes it's the group members that matter most. same goes for a tough assignment, with group members that keep me motivated, it seems to be more of a challenge rather than mission impossible to me.

things to be done over the weekend:-
1. literature review for mini thesis (by friday actually)
2. sife photo & video contest
3. poster for national competition
4. if all the above go well >> SLEEP! :3

thank dr joyce so much for her willingness to spend time with us.

to realise what really means the most to us

2011-06-16T02:36:00.008+08:00

was too stressed about business strategy yesterday, now here's something to explain the previous post.

i can't believe it...some FREAKING USELESS DUDES ransacked my house yesterday afternoon within the 40minutes my mom left house to drop me off at Uni until she came home again. home is where the heart is, don't they freaking know! they just freaking invaded our hearts like nobody's business! uuugh!! and they freaking threw everything everywhere! THE MESS was freaking insane! my shirt could fly across the entire hall to my parent's room, drawers removed, upside down! completely in a state i NEVER imagined my own house to be like.

THANK GOD they didn't do that to my study room, else i would have cursed them TEN TIMES MORE! THANK GOD i brought along my laptop to Uni! and the most most most most most important thing, THANK GOD MY YOUNGER SISTER WAS NOT AT HOME! and yesterday when we were all asking my mom if she's alright, she hugged my sister real tight and said, "reallyyyyyyy thank goodness you were not at home when they broke in, if anything happened to you i really don't know how to live anymore...." that chilly creepy feeling immediately ran down my spine. cause....IF THEY DID ANYTHING TO MY MOM OR SISTER, MY HEART AND BRAIN WOULD REALLY JUST DIE!

what's gone is gone. we just need some time to forget that we once had those things with us. but i feel so angry and sad for my mom. some of those things have such great sentimental value for her. and just before this she lost her most precious jacket my aunt gave her. my mom used to say with the jacket she feels as if my aunt's secretly watching over her although she's not around anymore. all these really make me admire how tough my mom is. i like the way she makes me feel better about the whole break-in incident.

yesterday when my elder sister came and pick me up from uni, we were both so angry and i think we made each other even angrier that we started saying the most unpleasant words in the car all the way home. the more she told me about what's missing, what they did, and how messy our house became..there's like a volcano eruption going on inside us. until i spoke to my mom, she told me so many things that i really feel better now. my mom told me how she started to see things differently ever since my aunt passed away because of cancer.

it is so weird, usually only until the moment we really lose something, we realise how much it actually means to us. now that i think back, i feel like laughing at my own silly questions. when my mom called me yesterday, the moment i heard someone broke into our house, there was a list of stuff that immediately appeared in my mind. i was soooo scared that they would take away Ador, my clothes, the desktop with all the pictures and memories inside!, and actually just any of my stuff. come to think of it, it's so LAMEEE -_- who would wanna risk their lives to take those stuff, in monetary terms they're almost worthless! BUT, to me, if those things went missing, i can EMO for an entire year, not kidding. i tend to grow very attached to things, even the thought of losing them is enough to make me sad.

how i wish Ador could hop out of the cage and bite that bad guy's butt so hard that he can't walk! haih. then in the evening, the police came. they took pictures, tried to get fingerprints but failed, wrote a report out of my mom's description. they were really friendly though. then they warned us about how the burglars now don't look like one anymore. they drive BMW and Alphard, girls are involved too. with the police car in front of the house, the neighbours then came and showed their concerns. some were speaking to my mom, some with my dad, some my elder sister. everyone seemed worried. but what they said were really comforting to hear.

later at night when my dad went to get new padlocks, the shop person actually told him starting from few days back, there were ppl from taman tun, kota damansara, and bu area all coming to buy locks from her because of break-in cases. such disgrace to our community, why don't those people have anything better in their mind?

one day those bad guys should just all get one tight slap in the face and realise that they have been VERY WRONG and it's not too late to change and start doing something productive! THEY ARE WASTING LIVES DAMN IT! IF ONLY THERE'S A MACHINE TO TRANSFER THEIR LIVES TO THOSE WHO'RE SICK/DESERVE TO LIVE.

and my paranoid level has just increased T_T why must they do this to me :(

there was a time when this "if you were given a wish, what would you wish for?" *rule: you can't wish for more wishes* question was really popular. and i used to have three different answers i couldn't decide on:-

for all the spiders in the world to vanish. (-_- okay, too lame!)
for everyone to have a fixed life span, like everyone will definitely live up to 100 yrs old. (i would still consider this..)
for everyone in the world to have a kind heart and will never be bad! (now i really want this! people are turning real evil why why why)

enough for this post! i luuuuurve my family and happy birthday, dear sis ♥ promise that you'll get a belated birthday treat. :)

finally, RESEARCH METHODSSSS!

when actions speak louder than words

2011-06-15T03:11:00.006+08:00

such a bad bad day yesterday.

just. baaad.

if it was not for strategy assignment, my thoughts would still be scattered all over. like a bad pp or qq-plot. !@#$%^&*

and now for tweety bird

2011-06-14T01:44:00.007+08:00

i couldn't have imagined myself joining twitter in any way odder than this. so here's what you get from a blend of the SPSS-filled research methods lecture with a BB in hand! data plan of RM2.50 per day, i really thought i was doing good making worth out of every single cent paid. but ah well, it's not as if the owner isn't already making it worth the price paid. i know, you know, practically everyone in BAF knows about the BB boy.

BIGGEST mistake was when i started to find it more and more interesting *especially when i wasn't even tweeting with my name* i felt so freeee i could say the strangest thing ever (like..to eat up everyone in the audi just cause my best buddy was feeling hungry xD) and still, nobody would have a clue (okay, not really -_-).

everything was very much fun... until suddenly i didn't even know how i was seeing my own face in a twitter page! LOL. totally proves the point that when you're really determined to get something done, nothing is impossible. with the password mingming1234 (not anymore!), i am now boarding the tweet-tweet train. to top up the auspiciousness, a deal was made with su ann to tweet together v^^v

though my tweet count is still nothing, i somehow personally find myself feeling more at ease to express whatever is inside of me in the tweetland when compared to facebook. prolly because it feels more like a secluded sanctuary, less exposed in a way.

woots to twitter bridging bonds of people from the past and present xD i've always heard of them, saw them in facebook but never once met them in person. definitely didn't expect myself to be tweeting away with them.

i now have this strong urge to drag huei-wen into twitter but it's such a sinful thing to indulge in. shall let her decide! :) and ohhhhh tse wei is finally back! counting down to the number of days left till pei ying and alina fly home :) :) and so many moreeee, it's like the rightest time to have reunions. summerrrrrr! :D

so how's life...?

ASSIGNMENTS!

despite how much i dislike replying people with that one freaking big word, that's what i'd been saying for the past i-dunno-how-many-weeks. assignments are fine alone actually, the unmet goals are killing me softly. it makes me question my own ability and capability and whatever core competencies??? *a lil strategy overdosed!* promises made, promises not fulfilled evolved into empty-promises. i myself hate that! people hate it too i know.

time to review my strategic intent! heh, don't worry i'm still sane :)

How much have we changed?

2011-06-10T00:01:00.003+08:00

all the outings to meet up with them secondary mates lining up, i can't believe how we're all so busy now that we're left with hardly any quality time for each other. and i actually can't even recall when i last had a proper heart-to-heart chat with some of them. i'm sooo glad huei-wen dropped by the other day, just because now the free time we have for each other is ~~as precious as gold~~ as precious as the theses in the library where only Acca students who're taking OBU get to loan them! pfft! but yes, seriously, we now have our own little big dreams we wanna achieve...and to even bring ourselves closer to that very end, we've got to make sure we do. well. now.

everyone's so freaking stressed up chasing dreams. at least i am, and i know huei-wen is too. but we can do this alright *how many times have we been telling ourselves this x)* sometimes, maybe it's not even much of a choice, we're already in it, what more can we do? we just gotta get it done. nicely.

then in Uni when i see some of my friends looking real tensed, i feel tensed also. tense moment much! there are times my mind wander off.. i kinda enjoy reminiscing the stuff we used to do together, feel passionate about, laugh at together, the things we have in common. but now this feeling that all those are gonna fade away, one day, is slowly creeping in and it's actually...quite a scary thought. not that i'm not happy with whatever's going on now, i just miss those old times. yeap, exactly those two words, "old times". they make me wanna smile :)

maybe it's the simplicity back then, maybe it's the different me back then, maybe..it's just maybe.

-this is not an emo post!

from 69 to 5 ;)

2011-06-07T01:52:00.001+08:00

questionnaires are almost done!

5 more left hehe. it was interesting to see how people reacted differently to that sheet of paper.

there was this girl who was studying but i still tried asking her, and she gave me the O_O eyes while shaking her hands vigorously. understandable though, acca's one scary exam (well, at least that's what the acca people make me believe).

then there were some who seemed reluctant but would still do it for you.

and the best has got to be those who happily take it from you and willingly do it, they motivate me in a way. some of them looked so happy, and some seemed like they really wanna do it, too bad they're not business students. some told me they were not business students, in my heart i secretly think they're lying to me *shouldn't be thinking so i know! they ARE engineering students la face the fact* then there was this girl who took it sooo seriously as if she was sitting for a test, she even walked to and fro to ask her friends about the questions. thank these people so muchhh!

and i feel so blessed to have friends who are from other groups yet offer to help us with giving out questionnaires.

after this whole questionnaire thing, i now have a bigger heart to help with others' questionnaires. it's really not easy peasy! more stressssss to come with the statistics and report.......

for everything that is done, there is always a reason behind it. i'm really learning to not be grumpy over what's done, why not think of what can be done to make things better instead? :)

*

just saw something wayyyyyy to coincidental! o_o haha sometimes when it gets so coincidental, it keeps me wondering if it's trying to convey a hidden message hmm...

69 more to go, woohoo

2011-06-06T01:34:00.005+08:00

research methods is really worrying. being the only subject that requires no exams, i thought it would be really cool. but the questionnaires, the spss, the report..the presentation... aint that easy after all.

and i'm so tempted by all the holiday plans, for once everyone has got the same free time. which is really something that only happens once in a blue moon especially now because everyone is all over the world. omgosh la why am i the only one who's still stuck with exams in July :(

today's been another pretty good day. *but it only applies when i'm not thinking about assignments* when i free my mind from assignments i feel like the most carefree person ever, i can be the lamest person swinging my sister's hand away and she's the best cause she never hates me for that. and we just realised something, the age gap between my brother and me is so big, we fancy different stuff, it's like we're from different generations Lol. but he can be more childish than us when he wants to. so, yeah :D

oh, we witnessed a scary scene at Tesco today! when my parents were paying at the cashier, we saw this malay lady who's really obese at the cashier beside ours. and all she did was to sit and order her maid o.o she bought like three whole trolley worth of stuff and she just sat there and did nothing other than pointing and ordering her maid. yea tesco's following the self-service system so the maid had to pack everythinggg into three trolleys. then she continued to sit there, her maid had to walk over to her, take the credit card from her and pass it to the cashier. when the bill's out, her maid had to bring it to her so she could sign. o.o and then we don't know what happened after that.....such a tough maid.

if you go to the curve often, you'll know about this grand piano they have in the middle of the mall, and they have really pro people to play on it..today when we walked pass, this guy was playing '你不知道的事' by lee hom..too epic! he played it with so much emotion ♥♥♥

of 'the sunniers' aka 'funniers' aka 'sinniers' aka 'winniers'...

2011-06-05T02:37:00.009+08:00

haha and no we're not that creative with names, other than 'the sunniers', the rest were all by our beloved mr. tan. each time he comes across our team name he sees it as a different thing. he's just so funny la though it wasn't most comforting when we spoke to him. what's with "usually being the first group isn't a good thing..." well, before we actually lucky draw to be the first team, we were all against being first too! like nooo it's gonna be so scary to be up first.

with hui yii's magic fingers, we actually really got number ONE! theee moment was so unbelievable..seriously, it felt as if the whole world stopped spinning for a second when we saw the "1" on our paper. guess it's all fated! and so the only choice we're left with was to embrace the fact that we'll be the first team to present. i think we did pretty well on that bit.

other than that, this whole thing is so amazing. not because we've an advantage being the only team with experience whatsoever, it's those little surprises along the way that made it amazing. how we motivated each other into everything, how we didn't mind each others' comments...i really like the way we remained optimistic the entire time. who knew candy and hui yii were a natural pair when it comes to calculating figures for the financial statement.. and candy who came back with a packet of woods' peppermint lozenges for me cause she heard me coughing...celine who never fails to keep us feeling all hyped up...hui yii who makes everything feels very comfortable and she's really cute:)

afterall, i realised the cash prize didn't leave as big an impact on me in comparison to this very special feeling that kept me smiling for the day. it's just...magical :)

point #1: never ever assume that your audience have the slightest clue of what you're about to present. and point #2: sometimes it's just really how much you yourself believe in what you're saying that determines how much others are convinced by what you've said.

*

other half of the day was well spent with 'chair' and mummy at pyramid. finally tried chatime! i know right, after so long, it's worth trying though..love the milk tea one. but the queue was really crazy and i felt as if i was making passport all over again, with the numbers running. had dinner at pasta zanmai and it was scary how the couple sitting next to our table didn't speak a single word throughout their dinner o.O while the other couple next to their table was talking soo much, such a contrast. had a haircut. not fun walking into the metal shutter of a shop, how could i be so blind xD

"So hold on to me tight, hold on, i promise it'll be alright

'cause we are stronger here together than we could ever be alone

just hold on to me, don't you ever let me go

hold on to me, it's gonna be alright, hold on to me tonight

They always say we were the lucky ones"

niceee song! :p

there are things which are perfect just the way they are

2011-06-01T23:44:00.000+08:00

just the other day when i was 'disturbing' Ador in the garden i saw this very round droplet of water on one of the flower petals and wanted to take a picture of it. but the sad thing is it wasn't exactly at a perfect spot for taking picture so i tried to gather some water at my finger tip hoping that i could let it drip and form a similar water droplet. to my disappointment, none of them would turn out as round as as nice as the one i saw.

so i gave up and just took a picture of the original one.

there are people around me who are like the droplet of water, perfect just the way they are. and i cannot appreciate more how they have helped and tolerated my sometimes sucky behaviour.

these are words i don't tell them straight in their faces but i really really mean it.

just feeling very appreciative all of a sudden. when i'm actually halfway through company law assignment -.-

okay,bye scribbles,back to assignment!:)

Many a time, when given a second chance we do better.

2011-05-21T02:04:00.006+08:00

now after one whole long day, come to think of it i'm actually glad i made the decision to join the kpmg firm visit (though i could have spent time on any of the 3 assignments or even start studying FA uugh!). not only i feel more convinced that my choice to go for kpmg isn't that bad a decision, a mini blue kpmg highlighter is joining my fat pencil case hoho. and to be honest, i was really shocked by the distance between my house and the building. first time after so long i feel superb to be thaaat close to my destination, even closer than going to Bu4. i practically just hopped into the car in slippers and as soon as i was done buckling up the straps on my heels, i was there already! and just in time right behind the orange school bus so i could join in the rest without being obvious. thinking of how i can easily get to the workplace without all the crazy traffic jams, i feel quite happy already. :)

and they served the best refreshments ever, so many varieties. :P people there were friendly, humble, it was comfortable that they approached us before we had to crack our heads to initiate a conversation with any of them. and when i thanked Ken for being the host, his reply was "you're welcomed, we've been doing this for more than 12 times in a month already..." but they totally didn't make us feel as if we were the 12th group to visit them.

well yeah so i guess that pretty much puts an end to one of my dilemmas. the rest are yet to be discovered ;)

it was such a special thing to be feeling nervous yet comfortable at the same time. nervous because it's a mini impromptu public speaking, comfortable because even when my mind went blank and tongue twisted, they were still showing that very encouraging smile like "come on we know you can do it", and when the worse got the better of me i was given this second chance with a fresh topic. those constructive comments and feedbacks, got to work on them! haha and i finally learned that ageing population can be such a threat to a country, it affects the economic growth, labour markets, taxation, the transfer of property, health, family composition, housing and even migration.

everything was good until something happened, glad it got better towards the end of the day! and i'm so proud of you :) need to go find that video of you cheering on your birthday night to celebrate.

LUMS, what are you?

2011-05-20T02:00:00.002+08:00

things don't always happen the way we want them to, but that doesn't mean it's the end.

Selflessness

2011-05-19T01:21:00.006+08:00

Checklist:

1. FA mid-term test (27th May)

2. Company law assignment (3rd June)

3. Business strategy assignment (15th June - my sister's birthdayyy!:D)

4. Research paper (23rd June)

research paper itself is already taking our breaths away.. we prolly need oxygen tanks to survive through the semester -_- never ending changes here and there. the only thing i find comforting in research methods is that there will be NO exam! other than that i do hope i can still remember my SPSS.

apart from assignments, i finally met my cousin's baby the other day after seeing so many of his cute pictures on Fb. even cuter in real life lah omg cuteness overdose. isn't he just adorableeeee? :D feel like poking the cheeks eeeee. can't wait till my cousin comes and visit us again the next time! and this picture's when my cousin's wife attempted to make him a lil more girly.

haha omg i still can't get over it, too cute x)

decisions decisions decisions. i don't remember making so many decisions in my life before.

little big decisions

2011-05-18T01:25:00.003+08:00

aaawh man :( how could i forget such an important date!:( today during the meeting when someone mentioned "and yes the Nationals will fall on the 24th to 26th July", my heart really sank a whole lot, seriously. mehhh the dates just have to clash so perfectly, coincidence or what? :(

honestly, i've been dreaming to go for the Nationals ever since the day i bid goodbye to everyone at the Regional Training. if you ask me, yes i do miss some of them, especially some whom i vividly remember the face and what we did together, just not the name so i can't possibly search for them on Facebook, so i was really hoping to like bump into them again at the Nationals, then at least i get to ask for their names or something. sigh.

i thought i could finally be at peace after making this, i consider, a big decision to join the Lancaster summer programme. sigh. i wouldn't say it's a wrong decision though. i mean no decisions can be wrong because how will we know if we don't try? but i've a feeling i'll be thinking a lot about the what's going on at the Nationals, when's our turn to present, what kinda questions are the judges gonna ask, who's gonna be there, will people like the projects we've done so far, do other teams still have canggih powerpoint slides with canggih music??? i won't get to witness all these anymore, double sad face :( :(

yes there's the World Cup, but it's going to be different :( :( and yes, there'll be another Nationals next year, but it wouldn't feel the same without this very team i've gotten so close with. talking about decisions, sometimes i really count joining Sife one of the blessings to me, in many ways. so yeah, all the more the thought that i won't be able to make it to this year's Nationals is making me feel sad. aihh.

someone actually told me this "one door closes, another one opens up", guess i'm going to make myself happy with that for now. and i'm surprised you could tell something wasn't right about me though i thought i sounded perfectly normal.

too many things going on lately, i've been having dreams that are too real, it's almost like a continuation of the things that appear in my mind right before i fell asleep. and sometimes they keep me thinking after i wake up. uncertainties, weird feelings, all sorts.

to end the post, i hope gorgor's "baby" is on a speed recovery. scary much, especially just after rachel and hui ling spoke about how their friends broke their shoulder and arm. i thank everything in the world that you're fine.

i admit i'm a sucker for melancholic movies cause i surprise myself by how much they make me tear. My Sister's Keeper is one :'/

2011-05-16T01:47:00.000+08:00

to find joy in the simple pleasures of life :)

Kiddos home alone

2011-05-07T00:02:00.004+08:00

feels weird to be waking up to a home without daddy & mommy around. but i must say the best thing about parents going away from home for holidays is the SMS from them!!! like the one i got from daddy this afternoon totally made my day cause it was sooo cute :):) then when my sister got home today i told her daddy loves me more cause i've got an SMS that's cuter than hers, BUT in the end we found out that daddy actually sent it to her first. chiehhh.

other than cute smses, another happiest creature in the whole wide world would be Ador! cause he gets to hop and munch around on anything nobody's gonna scold him hehe we're so nice to him. sorry to daddy's plants!! but they'll grow again one day, so it's okayy i guess:)

spot the bunny!

Ador's favourite plant! my dad purposely put it so high up, but he still managed to jump into the pot and reach for it..awesome bunny :D and it made us laugh so much when he wanted to get down, but FELL down instead. greedy la keep biting the plants until lost balance~

and yesterday night was such a crazy insane one with my sister!! love all these moments when we talk and laugh non stop before sleeping, especially nowadays... since i usually go to bed much later than her, she'll always be asleep already before i even get to say a thing.

anyways, am suddenly feeling quite emo now after hearing that Cali will be leaving soon. good thing for her, but sigh, though we haven't been meeting up very often, i always still feel good knowing that you're still there at BRP with Tony. goodbyes are so eeeeeh :'(

Ernest the Owl.

2011-04-27T23:08:00.003+08:00

it was so random daddy & mommy started talking about Ernest the Owl when i told them i received a call from Ernst & Young just now. but none of us remembered where this Ernest the owl character came from though we vividly remember the existence of this name. ah well, RBV's officially the in-thing now, so forget about the owl! i was about to say i feel very tired now right now, but somehow the more i say it the more i'll feel tired. so forget the tiredness too heh. and i still really love it when i see how everyone around me is happy. all the little comforting words from you do mean a lot to me, like when i feel crazily stressed up and busy as if there's a lot of things to do, yet sometimes i'm not doing what i should be doing -_- i know right, those words keep me going. despises tense moments in all manner:).

Take a deep breath.

2011-04-22T01:13:00.004+08:00

these two weeks went pass like swoooosh, faster than the wind.

everyday felt extraordinarily short. staying back for talks and forums, getting our Leap stamps - so glad we've made it to the cert level within such a a short time, cause initially when i signed up for Leap i really thought it was going to take me at least two months to claim them chops.

but what's really terrible is the congestion on the road when it's finally time to go home, and when it begins to rain, my mom and i will be crawling home in the car at almost 2km/h... i'm really feel grateful to have a mommy who doesn't complain despite having to replace her Hk drama and dinner time with the torturing jam on the road. plus i know very well driving's just not her thing. sometimes when we're almost close to reaching home, she'll say her neck feels stiff from driving haha. i know right, i should learn how to drive and take over my mom's job!

hwaaaah, then there're many many assignments piling up, and the student council election. got to find that special momentum that drives me to do assignment like a mad person all over again. i'm really sleepy now and my eyes are almost closing, so this is gonna be a funnily sentenced post. speaking of the student council election, although i'm not personally involved, but having all my closest friends contesting for the various posts is definitely something new for me too. i truly admire the effort they put in and the spirit they showed. nothing too dramatic, but just right.

on another unrelated note, i am sooooooooo proud of you mei mei! haha proud-er than you can imagine!! satu malasysia satu sukan ftw! :D :D :D and as retarded as you can be, you'll always be the bestesttest sister!!!

To take things the easy way.

2011-04-15T09:12:00.007+08:00

i've got to say i was really pretty tensed up for a moment in Uni yesterday, exactly like tse wei's tense moment, the very frustrating everything seems to be inside out upside down feeling.

but sometimes, we just don't need a perfect reason to be happy. Like now!!!!!!!! :D i mean it's like i didn't expect it to be that something that will change my mood so much, and now that it really happens, i know how much it actually means to me.

on another note, i'm finally done with all my resumes and cover letters! and my printer ink didn't fail on me, although it suddenly turned purple when it's supposed to be grey o_o but well it turned back to grey when i reprinted it.x) and i'm soooo happy the video on sife's second meeting finally worked! no more SME content problem after changing the song hehe. today's such a good day, huei-wen i'm sure your results will turn out great too!! well let's hope we won't run out of SIFE $$ in the game later! :P

Lots of love,
Siew Ming :):)

Miracles do happen when we actually start believing in them.

2011-04-13T00:20:00.002+08:00

just really feel like scribbling here now suddenly. gotta come out with a proper framework for research methods, a clear enough title, aims, objectives, research questions, an appropriate gap, a contribution to knowledge, hypotheses to be proven...i'm really glad that i'm not going through all these alone. well it's probably like peanuts to Dr Joyce! but for baby researchers like us, even a simple research like this seems to be taking all our lives away from us. we can do it olright! just gotta keep reading journals and brainstorming for good ideas...many brains create wonders. i totally believe in that ;)

speaking of how i can get motivated by my group members in group assignments, here comes business strategy. individual work. 20 marks, no kidding. and yeah hopefully we can get our groups sorted out soon so that no souls would be left feeling bad ^^

hrmm hrmm.... i guess things will get better after.this.friday! so just gotta hang on till after.this.friday. YES. then i can start focusing on assignments, no more cover letters or resume flying around. but Saturday is gonna be another nerve-wrecking day. oh well, must have faith in ourselves:):)

things have been pretty good lately:) but the world just has to be so dramatic, not a bad thing though, nope not at all, just making me realise some of the more important things that i wouldn't have noticed otherwise.

:)

Are we all good? :)

2011-04-09T01:02:00.003+08:00

for a moment i paused and actually stopped thinking about what journals to find for research methods, what to write in Sife's blog, whether to close down Sife's Fb page and only keep the profile, which companies to choose for business strategy, how to write an email to the new Sifers so they feel welcomed enough, what to write for my cover letters, how to make Ador drink water again, how to plan my time well, how to this that and everything...

i. suddenly. realised. i am missing this bunch of people so so much...

so so so much.

bee's going for a camp tomorrow and i'm jealous, now i really won't mind going for kem pentauliahan all over again.

good luck to my dear friends who are going to campaign for SC! can't wait to see your faces up, i'm all ready to vote already! *excited*:D

The most stressful jam ever!

2011-03-31T01:15:00.000+08:00

first day of Company Law lecture and i was already freaking half an hour late for class. such a tormenting thing to be watching the time tick away when the car's moving only 10cm and then stopping for 10seconds before the next move.

competitiveness can be a good form of motivation, but sometimes it really freaks me out.

what a freaky post!

L.O.S.T.

2011-03-30T01:09:00.007+08:00

and so, according to Dr Joyce, to not feel lost in completing a research is just abnormal. definitely not a very comforting start to the new semester, but in a strange way it sounds challenging enough to be a fun subject.

recruitment drive's been quite a success on the first day itself, yay to more members! seriously, i never knew convincing people to join a ~~club~~, no we're not a club, we're an organisation, a team, in Sunway we call it a movement, can be so tiring. but it's that sense of achievement you get when they finally say "so how do i register?" and when you hand them the name list and pen, it just feels really good:)

what's more awesome's when people who initially wanted to enquire about our neighbour, SAS, ended up joining us after pondering over what's good about Sife, whether it's worth his time, whether it's meaningful, and all sorts of consequences..

time seems to be more and more precious nowadays, with so many things in mind. sigh why is it so? i've already tried my best. now i shall learn to keep my hopes low, so even if it ends up in disappointment, it wouldn't hit so strongly. yeah, there's always a better way out to everything.

no more doing work last minute, no more taking things for granted, most importantly, no more saying and not doing, really really really.

Insightful.

2011-03-29T01:18:00.000+08:00

"Which one word would you use to describe your entire trip?" "Insightful." Such a nice word isn't it? It is often through new experiences we stumble upon little facts we never thought we would ever discover. They may be real good ones, or the reverse, but in whatever form it comes to us, there will still be something for us to learn, to feel and then understand it. Sometimes the more we plan, the more the reality diverts from our plans. Sometimes when we expect nothing, the unexpected takes place. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. To say 'whatever lah' like what i tried to make myself think is just so stupid. This beautiful life we have, cherish every single bit of it. Some people are just so simple, so nice to watch. With every new semester comes new resolutions, good luck to all of us.